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Jeans that are already unzipped. He shucks them off, bending at the waist to pull off his underwear too.
He straightens and my stomach does a somersault when I see howheavyandthickhe is. A pair of veins crisscross the underside of his dick. His wide, velvety head stands at attention, and my body lights up at the memory of his taste.
I’ve never enjoyed giving blow jobs before. It all felt so mercenary. So one-sided. But with Abel, I felt my pleasure rise with his. Maybe it was the lewdness of it, the direct, impolite way he initiated it that turned me on. Or maybe it was seeing his stomach cave and his jaw tic as I took him into my mouth.
I had all the power in that moment.
It hits me that I have all the power now. There’s freedom in knowing up front this isn’t going anywhere. Abel told me flat out he doesn’t want the same things I do. He’d never date me. Not for real.
Because that’s off the table, I don’t feel the need to perform. To shave or “be chill” or have no expectations whatsoever lest they get in the way of how my partner wants to do things. Sometimes I think my biggest fear is being a pain in the ass.
When I’m with Abel, I feel like nothing about me is inconvenient.
It’s wild to think I’msafewith Abel in a way I haven’t been with anyone else. Abel’s the proverbial bad boy, the one your mother warned you about. But he’s honest in a way the “good” guys I’ve been with in the past never are.
Go figure that makes him the perfect hookup. If, of course, I don’t fall totally, completely in love with him.
Surely I can keep my head screwed on straight. Iknowhe doesn’t want to get married. Iknowhe’d never be caught dead driving a minivan. Even if he is an excellent listener, and generous to a fault, and a secretly stand-up guy whodoesn’tsleep with married people. At least not the woman he told me about.
I know these things, and I have to trust myself that I can let him in without letting him steal my heart.
Not easy. But I’m an adult, and adults sometimes have to do hard things.
Abel runs a hand through his hair, making his bicep pop as he grabs his phone. A beat later, music pours through a speaker on the nightstand.
Nirvana’sUnplugged in New York. I’ve heard it many times over the years in Abel’s car. They’re his favorite band.
Dropping the phone, he grabs a condom. A frisson of fear pops down my spine as my eyes move over his broad shoulders to his long, thick cock. He is huge. And powerful. And he is very creative with using pain to enhance pleasure.
How much is this going to hurt?
A familiar drumbeat of pressure comes to life between my thighs as he gives himself a lazy tug. His bulbous ass tenses, the cheek hollowing out on the side. So. Much. Muscle.
Without warning, he tosses the condom at me. It hits my belly and I blink.
“Put this on.” He stands at the edge of the bed. Dick in his hand.
I crawl over to his side, hissing when the tender tips of my breasts hit the sheets. They’re already warm from Abel sitting beside me.
Falling back on my haunches, I open the foil packet and squeeze the tip. Looking up at Abel, my heart dips at the feral gleam in his eyes.
I think I know how to put a condom on. To be honest, I’ve never done it before.
Leaning in, I kiss his tip. The salty taste of him floods my mouth. He puts a hand on my head, fingers digging into my hair as he says, “So sweet, baby. You’re so fucking sweet to suck on me this way.”
I give him what he wants and suck. Hard and quick.
Kurt Cobain sings about coming as you are. No wonder Abel picked this album.
“Fuck.” Abel’s hips jerk. He grabs my face. Looks me in the eye and says, “No, baby, you’re gettin’ too good at that. I wanna fuck your pussy tonight. So long and hard you’ll be glad you took that Advil. You suck my dick like you are, that ain’t gonna happen. Condom. Now.”
It’s difficult to keep my hands steady as I roll it on. Abel grunts as I make a circle out of my thumb and index finger and push it down the length of his shaft.
“Done,” I say.
He leans down and kisses me. “I’m not even close to bein’ done with you.”
God, Ilovethe way this man kisses. His kiss can be gentle or hungry or messy or aggressive, but Abel is always into it. He never hesitates. Never goes in halfway. He commits, whatever his mood, and he makes it count.
