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“WE OFFICIALLY SLEPT through breakfast,” Gavin said as he opened the fridge and stared at its contents. It was pretty bare, as neither of us was much of a cook, and he wrinkled his nose and shut the door. “I’ll order us some lunch.”
“Good idea.” My stomach let out a low rumble, and Gavin laughed and opened a side drawer to pull out a menu for one of the restaurants downstairs.
“Some of everything?”
“Damn right.” I reached for the bag of coffee beans, but it wasn’t enough for the both of us. “Add large coffees to that.”
“On it.” Gavin glanced up and winked at me, and the way that one simple move had my chest tightening was crazy.
He’d done himself a favor and thrown on a pair of pajama bottoms instead of walking around in that fucking thong from last night, because I was sure his ass was feeling it today. I hadn’t been easy on him, not with his begging for more in my ears, and I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t want to get my hands on him if he paraded around with his perfect ass cheeks out.
Even now, bent over the kitchen island shirtless, it was hard not to want to be closer to him.
Who the hell was I?
Food and sex weren’t the only things I was craving, though, and I headed to my room to throw on a shirt and grab a pack of cigarettes and my lighter.
“Be back in a few,” I said, shoving my phone in my pocket. Gavin was already on the phone ordering our food, and when he nodded at me, I left and took the elevator up to the roof.
I hadn’t had a smoke since before the concert last night, so this was probably some new kind of record for me. I’d replaced my craving for nicotine with exploring Gavin’s body. Couldn’t say I regretted that choice. At all.
I squinted under the harsh afternoon sun as I stepped out onto the roof. It wasn’t time for the pool to open yet, so there weren’t as many people up here as there would be in a month or two. Bypassing the more comfortable outdoor seating, I made my way to a corner of the roof and slid a deck chair over to plop my ass on.
There was nothing like the view of the city from the top of the Towers. It was the one place that brought me even a semblance of peace, and that was only when a bunch of other fuckers weren’t around.
Lighting up, I took a deep drag, blowing the smoke out in the direction of One World Trade Center, its massive height dominating downtown in the distance. Somewhere between here and there, my parents were probably still around, out shopping or barhopping or whatever the hell they did with their time in the city. I wouldn’t know. Same as I didn’t know why that thought had just popped into my head out of nowhere.
What did I care if they were close by or on a whole different planet? I didn’t. I never had.
Well, maybe that wasn’t the truth. When I was younger, Ididwonder. I always expected them to turn up at whatever boarding school I’d been shipped off to and take me away for a family vacation, the way all my classmates’ families did. But then I’d sitthere alone during the holidays while everyone else was gone, with only a few remaining teachers and a stacked envelope of money keeping me company. The cash was the only sign they knew I existed, even though now I realized it probably wasn’t sent by them at all, but from someone on their staff. No card. No happy holiday wishes. No acknowledgement at all other than my name in a messy scrawl on the envelope.
Shaking my head, I took in another drag, not sure why my thoughts had veered off in this direction. I’d had an incredible night with someone I’d never expected, and my parents, or lack thereof, had nothing to do with it. They didn’t deserve to know anything about Gavin or be anywhere near him. He was on such a different level to those assholes, it was a joke.
I tapped my ashes into a glass tray nearby as my stomach dipped.
I didn’t regret what had happened last night, not even a little bit. But if I were honest with myself, I knew better than to mess with Gavin. It was why I’d pushed him away. For his own damn good. But he was just as stubborn an ass as me, and he’d refused to let me go.
Did that make me weak for giving in? Knowing I wasn’t the right person for him? Knowing I’d just drag him down with all my baggage and the dark thoughts that kept me up at night? Kept me taking out my bitterness with my fists?
Gavin was light. He was the only one who’d ever made an effort to try to drag me out of my own personal hell, but that wasn’t fair to him. He deserved someone as good as he was.
It was too bad his radar for attracting men was for shit. His dating history proved that. His interest inmeproved that.
I stabbed out my cigarette and immediately lit up another.
Gavin didn’t smoke. Didn’t have many bad habits that I’d witnessed since I’d known him, other than his penchant for trash reality TV and the fact that he preferred gin over tequila.
He came from a good family, one he actually liked and got along with. Donovan was one of the more levelheaded guys in the group, and I knew for a fact they all spent birthdays and holidays together. Probably did all the family vacation shit, too.
It wasn’t like I’d fit in with all that. And didn’t Gavin deserve someone who would?
Scooting to the edge of the chair, I rubbed at the space between my eyes that was starting to throb.
What the hell was I doing? This thing between me and Gavin could only end one way. He wanted long term, hearts and flowers, and I was not that guy. It was inevitable, really, the end of us. So why had I even started it?
Oh, I know—I’m a selfish bastard.I’d promised that I wouldn’t hurt him, but deep down we both knew how things would ultimately go.
