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Elio doesn’t respond.
“Did you mean it? Or were you just lying to me too?”
“I thought you didn’t speak Italian. Is that another lie?”
I throw my hands up. I’m so frustrated that I feel like my muscles are vibrating with it. “Fuck you, Elio. For real,” I snap.
I get up and walk away.
The next morning,I need to get out. I spent the night in Luna’s room, because there was no way that I was going to sleep next to Elio. I cuddled my kid all night, but I didn’t sleep.
How could I?
Everything that’s happened between us has led us right back where we started. Clearly, whatever Elio and I had, it’s not valuable enough for him to see past his own bullshit excuses to something deeper.
I can’t believe that he was so quick to distrust me.
To distrust my brothers.
Obviously, Dino was trying to stir stuff. Now that I’m further away, I know that’s what he did. Dino was a champion at getting under everyone’s skin, and he’s doing that now. For what reason, I have no idea, but it means that the things he said don’t mean anything.
I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what he’s trying to cover up though.
I need some air.
Luna is sleeping when I decide, for the first time in a long time, that I want to go for a walk.
I carefully leave her sleeping in her bed, sneaking out before anyone can stop me. I don’t want to see Sal or Gia, and this house is so darn big, moving around it is actually kind of easy.
I’m able to get around and outside, still dressed in my same clothes as the day before, without anyone noticing. I know that I should let someone know that I’m going, but I really don’t want to.
I need to be alone right now.
The guards that walk around the house are chatting with each other near the front gate, so I easily slip by them when I follow a little path that moves past the main gate and into the woods.
Once I’m free of the house grounds, I manage to get out to the gravel road we drove in on. Why Elio bought a house in such a remote location is beyond me, but right now, I’m grateful for the space and the air.
The gravel crunches under my feet as I walk through the woods, trying to take in the woods of New York as I do.
Elio had been such an asshole to me.
I still can’t believe it. Not really. The words he said last night reel through my mind in an awful soundtrack, a strong memory that’s just playing on loop in my mind.
How could he not trust me?
I came to him. I was honest with him.
Part of me wants to make excuses for him.He didn’t mean it. He was stressed. He wants you. He loves you.
That stops me in my tracks.
I want to laugh.
To scream.
To cry.
Eventually, crying wins. I let the sobs wreck my body, letting out gut-wrenching sounds that echo through the cold air. Eventually, they stop, and I rub at the corners of my eyes.
