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He pulls back as if I struck him. His face twists with hurt. “You think I care more about this damn party than your well-being?” He grits his teeth as he scans my face. “You truly believe that, don’t you?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I seethe. “You locked me in a room, left me behind.”
“Ihadto,” he counters. “I had to go back to the palace, and I couldn’t let you hurt Talis.”
“I said I wouldn’t,” I argue.
“And I knew that was a lie, especially if he told you the truth,” he throws back.
My mouth snaps shut. Adrenaline builds inside my veins.
Cristen closes his eyes for a moment, his expression falling to guilt.
“Youknowsomething?” I ask, my voice shrill. I lose my composure and slam my fists into his chest. “Do you know what happened to my family?”
Cristen’s jaw flexes, his neck strained as he keeps his mouth shut.
I step away in horror. “You’ve known about how they died, haven’t you?”
He sucks in a careful breath. “I’m the Heir of Fate, Zora.”
It’s not until he says it that the reality of who he is fully and truly settles into my bones. “You knoweverything,” I whisper and stare at the ground. I can’t look at him. He isn’t a man. He’s never been aman. He’s Fate, itself. He knows not only everything about me but everything about the universe. He. Knows. All.
For years, I have hunted for the truth. I was two, and my parents were murdered. I was two, and my brother was taken. I was meant to remain innocent for so much longer, but the Royal Guard stormed my home and snatched my innocence away. As long as I can remember, that was the only true lead I had.The King had been involved. But I knew nothing else, and as time passed, even that fact became murky. There were so many shattered pieces of the truth, that everything – even the most honest things in life – became lies.
“Tell me,” I say, and my voice is as small as a child’s. In this moment, I am not the woman who murdered several Royalists and freed trafficked girls. I am not the spymaster for one of the most influential Bosses in the Underground. I am nothing but two-year-old Zora Vyner, desperate to cling to something,anythingwith a resemblance to an answer. To why.WHY.
Cristen reaches for me, but I step further away. “Look at me, Zora,” he pleads.
“Tell me,” I say, and the words are hoarse.
He lets out a shuddering breath. “What I know has too many holes,” he says quietly. “If I tell you, you’ll jump to conclusions, and I can’t afford that right now.”
My fists clench. “Don’t deny me this.” I force my eyes up to his, and my body wants to cave in on itself. I look at him, and all I feel is betrayal. “If you deny me this truth, then I will never speak to you again. Not like this. You will never have my trust, my heart, not even my rage. You will have none of me.”
His face darkens with pain. “Zora, please. You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” I shake my head, then wet my lips. I push aside my defeat, my hurt, and I lean into what remains of the feelings I have for him. I can banish them as much as I want, but they’re there. They’ve been there. I take a timid step toward him and reach a hand up to his cheek.
He inhales sharply as I touch him, and his hand moves up to cover mine, capturing me there and squeezing my fingers. The galaxy of his eyes sharpens with anxiety, desperation, lust, but mostly, I just see sorrow. So, so much grief.
“Cristen,” I whisper his name for the first time, and what a massive part of my heart hopes isn’t the last time. “Please.”
His nostrils flare, and he bites his lip as he stares at me. The hand that squeezes mine trembles a bit as he carefully drops his lips to my forehead.
I forcefully push back the anger that flares through me, because I know what this is.This is goodbye. Not goodbye to the tournament. No, I’ll win that, and I’ll take the throne, and then I’ll force him to his knees with my blade until he gives me the truth.This is goodbye to us, to whatever it was we were becoming.
He lifts his lips from my forehead and tugs me to his chest, wrapping me in an embrace. “Forgive me,” he whispers into my hair, then steps away.
He’s gone quick, his long cape disappearing around one pillar then another before every piece of me hardens.
“Never,” I say to no one but the shadow of him that lingers before me, dark and tumultuous. “I can never forgive you for this.”
Chapter Ten
Istaybehindthepillars until a trumpet blows and a guard announces it’s time for everyone to leave the banquet hall. My feet move me forward, but my heart stays in those shadows, hoping, wanting, wishing.
I find Harmony and Sera leading the crowd. A group of hopefuls surrounds them, women wanting to take my place.
