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Chelsea and Dominic went to Adley’s house, which means I’m expecting Billy any minute. At least now he has learned to not enter a house like he used to, bellowing out names.
Last time he did it, and woke a kid, he was on babysitting duty for a week. That will teach him.
The door clicks shut, announcing his arrival. “Bro? You sleeping?” He whispers and I throw up my hand as he comes around the couch and sits next to me. “How’s it going?”
“I’m exhausted.” He snickers and I punch his thigh.
“Hey!”
“Shhh!!”
“What the fuck? You hit me, then tell me to be quiet?”
“They’re finally sleeping. I just need an hour, so whatever you’re here for, talk quickly.”
He lays his head back. “I’ll nap with you. Dominic wore me out.”
Smiling, I lay my head back and close my eyes. “That kid loves his Uncle Billy.”
“Of course he does.”
We lay quietly for a moment. “How’s Adley feeling?”
“Good. Excited. She’s ready.”
“You’ve got a little bit to go still.”
“Yeah, about ten weeks. But we’re ready. I can’t wait to meet my little girl.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
More silence and my mind starts to race. All the times Billy and I have gone head to head, I never apologized. We never really cleared the air, we just kind of started talking again, moving in tandem at work, or at family parties. I need to correct it all now.
“So, listen.”
When he doesn’t respond, I roll my head and meet him staring at me. “Jesus. Is that what Adley sees when she rolls over in the morning?” He puckers his lips and makes kissing noises and I roll my eyes. “Can you ever be serious?”
“Why start now?”
Sighing, I try again. “There’s a lot of stuff we never talked about, Bill. And I think maybe we should.”
I feel the couch shift and see he’s sitting up now, turned toward me. “Adam, it was ten years ago and-”
“And it won’t be another ten before I say I’m sorry.” He swallows hard and I see his jaw tick. “I was pretty shitty to you. I thought if you saw I was mad or if I yelled enough, you’d stop doing stupid shit.”
“Adam, it wasn’t something I could really control.”
“I know that now, but at the time, I didn’t understand it. I justfigured you were doing it on purpose, for attention or something. It wasn’t until I spoke with that rehab counselor and started reading up on addiction that I saw it wasn’t really something you were actively choosing to do.”
“No, I wasn’t. I just knew using or drinking made me forget about a lot of shit I didn’t want to remember. For a time anyway.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’ve created a new life. I’ve stepped away from things that used to make me crave a high and replaced it with positives that take me higher. Adley gives me a feeling I’ve never felt. And I know my daughter will do the same.”
“I’m glad you’ve made your way back.”
“It’s still hard, Adam, don’t get me wrong. I dream, my thoughts run wild, and some days I have to count hour by hour of choosing to say no, until I can get to a point where I’m able to move forward again.”
