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“You’re not that guy anymore,” he says seriously.
“But I am the baby, right? Everyone wants to remind me. I’m the baby and mom’s favorite. Why? Becauseshefeels responsible for my addiction? Mom has her own shit, but she has a good man to stand by her, to take care of her. I’m supposed to be that man for Adley, not the other way around.”
“We’re allowed to have others stand by us. Who better than the woman of your dreams?”
I shake my head, but Tom continues, “Adley is cautious about making something permanent because of how she grew up. I mean, Christ! Chelsea fucking ran out on Adam and disappeared for twoyears! They’ve got trauma of their own, but she knows you’re different now.”
“Um, this is some serious family drama I shouldn’t be privy to.”
Ignoring Cash, I confess, “I bought a ring, Tom. But I’m afraid to give it to her because I think she won’t accept it.” If I was to actually get down on one knee, and she told me no, I don’t think I’d ever recover.
Silence falls over the room. Reaching to my neck, I touch the chain with the charm. “I bought a ring four years ago, actually.”
“Seriously?” Cash looks confused. “You’ve only been together for two years, though, right?
“Eighteen months.” I reply sharply. “But I’ve been waiting for her for thirteen years. Whether or not I remember it all, my heart knows it was her.”
Tom’s lips twist and he comes to my side, grabbing me up in a hug. “Do the damn thing, bro.”
“I’m fucking trying, bro.”
I want to tell them it means so much more now. That even an asshole of a guy can be redeemed. Marrying Adley would feel like I’ve come full circle.
That she loved the screw-up enough to set him straight.
Marrying her means I proved myself worthy of her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ADLEY
Turning over in bed,I reach for Billy and find his spot empty. Opening my eyes against the bright sun streaming through the window, I glance at the clock that reads quarter past eight.
Stretching and allowing myself to come a bit more awake, my mind runs with everything that needs to be done today. I promised Farrah I’d go with her to check out decorations for the Casanova’s anniversary party, but I also need to wrap up edits on my latest release. I need to check in on my sister and I need to have all this done today so I can be here with Billy tonight.
I have to stop running to my old house across the street. I can’t keep giving myself a way out. I love Billy, and I’m not going anywhere, but the pressure of marriage and his talk about it makes me want to run. He knows I never envisioned getting married. I’m basically living with him now, I’m committed to him, and him to me, so what does the paper matter? It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matterto me.
But it mattersto him.
I need to get over it. I need to get over the fear of being trapped. The fear of failure. Years ago, I found myself engaged while knowing it wasn’t right. I don’t want to be blinded like that, just going along with something because it’s expected.
But that’s not what we have. And I know better, and I need to do better.
Sitting up, my stomach rolls. The wave of nausea that comes over me is so fast, I jump from the bed, run to the bathroom and dive for the toilet bowl. I retch and cough, emptying my stomach before I sit back and lean against the wall. Reaching for a washcloth, I wipe at my mouth and sweaty forehead.
Standing carefully, I move to the sink and brush my teeth, then jump into the shower. Underneath the water, I feel another wave of nausea come and I lean against the cool tile, managing to fight through it. I shut the water off and wrap myself in a towel, crawling back into bed and grabbing my phone to message Farrah.
Me: Girl. I’m sorry, I’m not feeling great and have to cancel on today. Raincheck? If you can put it off a couple of days, I still want to help.
Farrah: Oh no! What’s wrong? And of course I can wait. No worries
Me: I think I may be getting the flu. I got sick this morning and I’m sweating. Guess it’s a fever.
Farrah: Yuck. Rest. I’ll check on you later.
Sending her a heart emoji, I silence my phone and lay it on the bedside table. Still wrapped in a towel, I drift back to sleep.
