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I moved to this house after Madeline and I split, thinking it would be the perfect family home for Connor and me. It has been, and since Melody as been here a few times, I’ve started to imagine what it would be like if she was here all the time.
She could make a mess in the kitchen, redecorate the living room, and Dorian could take the room next Connor’s.
When my son mentioned it, it only emphasized the feelings that I’ve been wrestling with since I gave in to my attraction to Mel.
Iwaspicturing a future with her. I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it work, but I figured maybe we’d just keep things on the down low until she graduated.
But now it’s over. I ended it, and I don’t know if it was the right decision.
Because as much as I’d like to think the whole thing was just an infatuation, something I needed to go through after the divorce, I know it’s more than that.
The thought jumps into my brain and hangs on, my heart skipping a beat.
I let out a sigh and rub my tired eyes beneath my glasses.
Connor was right when he said that our life is complicated. Itiscomplicated.
But as much as I try to tell myself I never should’ve let anything happen with Melody, I don’t regret it. Not at all.
27
Melody
“You can’t just sit around and cry.” Dorian comes up to me, his hands folded across his chest. “If Aiden was mean enough to break your heart, then he’s not worth the tears.”
I look up at him as I wipe the moisture onto my sleeve. “You’re too mature for your age.” I laugh, though there’s no humor in my voice.
“You’ve also been sulking since you got home.” Dorian plops down beside me. “I think he’s scared to be with you.”
I shake my head. “I think he just doesn’t think I’m worth it.”
“No, he’d be stupid not to see how great you are. Everyone knows that. All the people at my school always rant and rave about you. You’re like a superhero.”
“I’m not a superhero,” I argue, though his compliment makes me smile.
I know he’s just trying to cheer me up, and I’m thankful for it, I am. Even if it’s not really working.
“Maybe you shouldn’t work for him anymore,” Dorian suggests, leaning back against the worn leather of our couch. “I wouldn’t work for him. I’d probably tell him where he could—”
“Dorian.” I give him a look. “I know that you’re just taking up for me, but the answer isn’t to speak poorly of him. His situation is complicated. He doesn’t want to lose Connor.”
“Yeah, so why not just tell the school the truth?” Dorian shrugs, and honestly, I don’t have an answer for him.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s more complicated than I understand.”
“Or maybe, like I said, he’s just being a big scaredy cat. He just doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions of the whole thing.”
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “Again, I can’t tell you what he’s thinking because I don’t know. I don’t have the answer, but I can’tmakehim choose me. I can’t make someone want to be with me. And I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to, you know?”
“Yeah.” Dorian’s head hangs low. “I was just hoping that we might all turn into a family. It would be pretty cool to have a brother of sorts, and you’d have Aiden. You wouldn’t have to be alone.”
My heart squeezes. “I’m not alone. I have you.”
He gives me a soft smile, leaning against my side.
I wrap my arm around him, pulling him into an embrace. I hold him for a little while, though I have to admit there’s this part of me that wishes someone would hold me. It’s not easy always being the strong one.
But that’s just the cards I was dealt.
