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I have to let this go. She is coming. I want her there.
The next morning, when I wake up still feeling the knot of worry in my stomach, I live at the fact that I'm going to revoke the invite. It is too risky. If I knew what I was walking into in New York, it might have been a different story, but it is not.
I run my hands across my face, rubbing my eyes in frustration.
I better tell her today. Just get it over with before I change my mind and let this risky plan go forward.
I reach out and grab my phone, lifting it off the charging station.
“Open curtains,” I say to the room, and light fills the space as they draw upwards, disappearing into the ceiling,
I pull myself up against the headboard, resting my back against the pillows, opening the chat window to Seraphina.
Me: Good morning, gorgeous girl. I hope you slept well - and dreamed of me. I know I dreamed of you. Are you busy today? I would like you to join me for a walk in the botanical park. Perhaps breakfast or lunch in the gardens?
Seraphina: Good morning. I had amazing dreams last night. What I dreamt of - well, that is for me to know. I have to do a brief run around preparing for New York this morning, but I can meet you for lunch. What time? Shall I meet you there, seeing as I will be close to the area, anyway?
Me: Fantastic. I will find you at the garden entrance, on the South side. Where that orange blossom tree hangs over the walkway. One o’clock?
Seraphina: Perfect.
She adds a little heart icon, and I smile at it. But then I'm filled with guilt again. I have to uninvited her. It is the last thing I want to do, but I know I have to.
At one o’clock, leaning with my back against the tall stone wall that runs around the gardens, with my arms folded across my chest, I wait for Seraphina.
She doesn't keep me waiting long, though. I spot her walking toward me, wearing a long, flowing skirt that dances around her as she walks. Her hair falls around her shoulders and flicks to the side as she turns her head. Her smile instantly captivates me, and my lips spread into a grin.
I push myself away from the wall, and when she is close, I pull her against me.
I press my lips into hers and stand on her tiptoes to return the kiss.
“You look incredible,” I say, wrapping my arm around her waist and walking with her into the gardens.
She eyes me up and down with eyes that tell me she is hungry to feel me. “You always look incredible.”
We stop near the entrance, at a little coffee stand. I order us each a cappuccino. Then, we make our way along the pathway through the lush greenery, breathing in the freshness of it all.
“I'm so excited that everything is coming together.” She chatters.
“With?”
“My job in New York. I'm a little nervous, though. I'm not sure how the first few months will be. I think it will be a challenge, um. But I know I can make it work.”
I bite at the inside of my cheek. I need to tell her she can no longer come with me. I can’t even tell her why, though. I have to come up with something that sounds plausible.
She continues to chat about what part of the city her offices are in and how she is looking for somewhere close by or somewhere that is close to a train station.
I listen, and my thoughts wander.
The longer I roam through the gardens with her, chatting about the future, the more resistance I build against un-inviting her. I want to gowithher. I want to have that time with her. After this trip to New York, I don’t even know when I will see her again. If I return to Hong Kong and she stays in New York? What will happen?
Perhaps by then, I will have tasted her properly, and this obsession and need I have to possess her will have subsided.
She is going to New York, with or without me.
What harm will it do if she just goes earlier - with me? I would help her. I'm not the one putting her at risk. I will just be helping her.
“You say that. It will be a challenge. Is your Gung Gung not assisting with this trip?”
