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I feel so ashamed of myself. I thought I was stronger than this.
It's only sex, isn’t it? So why do I feel so emotional about it?
I’m willing to do anything to get revenge for my parent’s murders, so why couldn’t I do this?
My phone rings with his name across my screen. I ignore it.
It rings again, and I reach out to press the red button to decline the call.
I can’t even think straight, never mind speak to him on the phone right now.
What would I say?
What would he think of me?
I hear messages coming through, but I force myself to focus on the road ahead of me. The painted markings of the lanes, the streetlights, the night sky.
Anything but him.
By the time I arrive home, I feel more in control of myself, but fearful that I have ruined an opportunity. Will he be angry? Will he speak to me again?
The first thing I do when I get into my apartment is climb out of this ridiculously short dress. I pull on some comfortable pants, feeling more secure in them.
I slump down onto the couch and open his messages.
Antonio: Seraphina, I don’t understand what happened. Did I upset you? Please, come back. We need to talk about this. Why did you leave?
Antonio: whatever happened - I'msorry. If it was something I did to offend you. Just answer me.
His messages don’t seem angry. He seems upset, yet but not angry.
Should I reply? What should I say?
I drop my phone onto my lap and press my fingers against my eyes, trying to stop the tears that are stinging me. It doesn’t help. I switch my phone screen off. I can't reply now. I don’t know how to deal with this.
I can’t even imagine how to go about telling someone that I'ma virgin. Especially someone like Antonio, who, without a doubt, has had many women.
It might reverse him away from me. He'll know that I'minexperienced and won’t know how to pleasure him in how he is used to.
The thought of him being with other women sets a knot in the pit of my stomach.
Why am I jealous? I don’t even care about him. I'm just using him.
I sit on the couch for ages, feeling the weight of what has happened, sitting on my shoulders. My phone chimes again, and I open the message.
Antonio: Seraphina, talk to me. We can forget about everything. Unless you want to talk about it. Either way, just reply. Better yet - come back?
I'm going to have to tell him. I don’t have a choice.
But not tonight. I’m too overwhelmed right now. I have to calm myself down first. Perhaps I can try totell him that doesn’t push him away.
I push myself off the sofa and slink toward my bedroom, falling onto the bed.
I close my eyes, wanting to fall asleep and forget today ever happened.
Images of him rush through my mind.
The way he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me as he rocked my hips against his cock.
