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Antonio
Istand inside theelevator, feeling claustrophobic. The rage inside me is spinning so that I swing left and punch the elevator wall, smashing the mirror panel. Glass shards glitter to the floor, and I stare at them, feeling betrayed.
The doors slide open, and the lady behind the reception desk stares in horror at the mess I'm walking away from.
“Add it to my bill,” I snap, leaving the foyer and walking out onto the busy New York street.
She has been playing with me this entire time. Her words twist and churn in my mind.
She was using me in some revenge plot.
What does this mean?
It means that she has been keeping secrets from me.
I walk with my hands shoved into my pockets, then take them out because I don’t know what to do with myself. I just don’t want to be lashing out like I did in the elevator.
I keep my head down, as I'm not in the mood to greet anyone. I walk past, and I know my face is dark with anger. I'm hurt. It's difficult to admit that, but I'm hurt.
Did she feel anything for me? At any point in our being together?
It all felt so real to me. I was so sure that she had fallen for me. I was so sure that there was something going on between us. Am I that blind?
I walk past shops, people and restaurants. I do not know where I'm going. Turn down a pathway leading into a garden of some sort, a city park. I walk along the edge of a tree line. I just keep going, heading nowhere. Trying to push this anger out of my body, but feeling every moment.
I want to kick her out. I never want to see her again. The thought stabs a knife into my chest. No, I can’t do that. She is mine. She belongs to me. I want her close to me. How did I fall for someonewho never even felt anything for me? Someone who was using me?
I have fallen for her. I know this because even in this fury, I still want her around. It's the most ridiculous thought. It makes me even angrier to realize that she has some kind of power over me.
Kalo was right all along.
I can’t believe this is happening. What happens from now? Do I kick her out of my hotel room?
Will I ever speak to her again? I know I can’t trust her. She has been hiding things, keeping things to herself, tricking me.
The same thing you have been doing to her.
I shake my head. No, It'sn’t the same.
Isn’t it? I knew, or thought, that my family had a connection to her parent’s murders - and I hid that from her. How is it different from what she kept from me?
I reach the edge of a large pond. Ducks are gliding across the surface. I stare at them, not knowing what to do.
I fucking love her.
She lied to me.
You lied to her.
I run my fingers through my hair and brush my hand across my chin.
I lied to her. I kept things from her. I did that - and I still developed genuine feelings for her.
I want her. I don’t want to lose her. Is it possible that she feels the same? When I think about her words to me earlier, she told methat was my plan. Was. Not is. Perhaps along the way, things changed. All the time we have spent together meant something.
I turn back toward the hotel. I need to speak with her. We are both in the wrong. I'm angry, but that doesn’t make what I did right.
I walk back, no longer filled with that dark rage. I'm still upset; I'm hurting, but I know how I feel about her.
