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Would they? “What about Mason? Didn’t you think maybe he wanted a say in this?”
Mason glanced at Gray, and suddenly, Jack knew. “You told him, didn’t you? When Thornton first asked you, you fucking told Mason and not me.”
Gray closed his eyes and took a long, slow breath. “He told me to tell you, told me I shouldn’t wait, but I wanted to think about it. I didn’t want to upset you if I was just going to turn it down.”
“Newsflash. I’m upset.”
“Jack—”
Mason started to interject, but Jack held up his hand. “There’s no point in talking anymore. Gray’s made his decision. Thank you for actually trying to bring me into it.”
“I made up my mind to take the exam. That doesn’t mean I’ll take the position. That’s why I wanted to talk.”
Jack shook his head. “You’ve made up your mind. I can tell. If you get the job, you’ll take it.”
“I want to stop hiding,” Gray said. “But I want this to be a decision we all three make.”
“No, you just want me and Mason to agree with you,” Jack said, venom in his tone.
“That’s not true. I…fuck, Jack. I love you.”
Jack’s anger deflated, leaving him feeling wrung out and hurt. “I can’t imagine being a cop without you.”
Gray took a step toward Jack. “I’ll still be here.”
“We’ll all be together.” Mason spoke at almost the same time. He sounded scared, desperate. Fuck Gray for putting Mason in the middle like this, for going to him when they’d sworn they’d keep everything out in the open.
Like the time you talked to Mason about Gray seeming depressed, and he encouraged you to talk to Gray, but you didn’t. Is that what you mean by out in the open?
God, Jack hated that sanctimonious voice in his head.
He held up his hand, knowing he’d cave if Gray touched him. He’d let Gray have his way and forget how angry and hurt he was until it simmered long enough to explode again. “If you really wanted to discuss it, you would have talked with me the minute you started seriously considering taking the exam.”
“Would you have listened? Really listened?”
Jack wanted to scream that he would always listen to Gray, always consider what was best for him without being selfish. He wanted to stop being scared he couldn’t hold it together as a cop if Gray weren’t by his side, but he couldn’t make the words come.
Instead, he grabbed the pan of caramel popcorn and flung it across the kitchen, enjoying the ear-splitting clatter as the pan bounced on the tile. Then he stomped to their bedroom and slammed the door.
Seconds later, he heard the front door bang shut.
Jack sank to the floor and sobbed until he had nothing left. He crawled to the bed, pulled himself up, and curled into a fetal position on the bed, but sleep wouldn’t come, no matter how much he longed for oblivion. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Gray with the hurt look he’d had on his face when Jack stormed off. No matter how many times he told himself Gray deserved to hurt like he did, he knew he didn’t mean it. He wanted to wrap his arms around Gray and make things right again.
He slid off the bed, knowing there was only one thing for him to do. Clean the kitchen, not just the caramel popcorn he’d spilled on the floor, but everything, even the crevices in the tile backsplash. That’s what he did when he was upset. He could never stay still. He had to move, to take the anger out on something and grime on the kitchen floor was a good place to start.
He just hoped that if Mason was still home, he would leave Jack alone and let him work through his pain and anger. But after Jack had been in the kitchen long enough to collect about half of the caramel corn back into the dented roasting pan, Mason walked through the doorway. He was pale, and he didn’t look any better than Jack felt. Jack couldn’t send him away, but he held up a hand. “Don’t try to tell me he was trying to do the right thing. I can’t hear that right now. He kept this from me, kept it from being a decision for all three of us.”
Mason nodded. “I know I… I told him to—” His voice caught and unshed tears glistened in his eyes.
Jack set the pan of popcorn on the counter and pulled Mason into his arms. “I don’t blame you. I really don’t.”
Mason held Jack tight. “Gray loves you.”
“I know.” He didn’t doubt Gray’s love. What he doubted was whether he’d be able to trust Gray again. He knew Gray was fed up with living in the closet, and he’d been selfish by holding him back, keeping him as a partner when he was due a promotion. Jack had never actually asked him not to take the detective’s exam, but he’d made it clear how much he loved being partners, and he knew Gray had ignored opportunities to further his career. If Jack was honest, he was as angry with himself for letting that happen as he was at Gray for making a move without talking to him.
Mason pulled back, seeming more together now. “What can I do to help?”
Jack bent and started picking up popcorn and tossing it into the pan. “I’ve got this. How about you make me a drink?”
