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Gray squeezed Jack’s hand. “Me too.”
“Really? But you seem so sure about this.”
“I don’t want to face the shit we’ll get any more than you do. I’ve just reached a point where I feel like hiding is worse. I’m tense all the time, thinking someone is going to find out. Eventually someone will. I want to do this on our terms.”
He was right. They couldn’t hide forever. “I’m glad you’re taking the exam.”
Gray’s eyes widened. “You are?”
Jack nodded, realizing he truly was. Gray needed to move on. Their relationship wasn’t going to work if he was miserable. How refreshing would it be if he didn’t have to worry every time he looked at Gray when they were around other cops? He was constantly afraid he’d forget and touch Gray, call him baby, or do something completely stupid like kiss him. A few times, he’d been close. If they were found out, they’d be split up suddenly and that would be much worse. They might not even get to work at the same precinct anymore.
“So what about you?” Gray asked.
Jack shrugged. “I’ll get a new partner I guess.”
“You could take the exam too.”
Jack pondered that. He should be ready, but he wasn’t. “I don’t think so. Not right now.”
Gray frowned. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Jack wasn’t ready to talk to Gray about not being sure this job was right for him and that without Gray he was scared he’d make a fatal mistake. Ever since they’d walked in on Mason being held at gunpoint, he’d been jumpy and afraid. He couldn’t function as a cop when he was scared.
“Not really. I’m just not sure what I want.”
Gray didn’t look convinced. He knew Jack too well not to realize something else was bothering him, but he let it go. “Talk to me when you’re ready.”
Jack nodded. “I will.”
Gray rubbed his thumb over the pulse point at Jack’s wrist. “Even if I get the position in Major Crimes we don’t have to come out right away. It might even be good to learn the job before I’m labeled as the squad homo.” He laughed, but he didn’t sound amused.
“I guess it might, but I’ll do what you need, Gray.”
“This isn’t just about me. It’s about you and Mason too.”
“Do you know when Mason will be home? We need to talk to him about all this. I know he thinks you should go for the promotion, but beyond that, I’m not sure how much he’s thought about how our being out will affect him. Plenty of the other guys go to Nathan’s, at least during basketball season, so he’s likely to catch shit at work.”
Gray nodded. “I’m not sure he’s thought about it either, but whatever happens, we’ll get through it together.”
Jack kissed him then, letting all his fears dissipate in the pleasure of Gray’s touch.
Jack and Gray laid down together for a nap before their night shift began. As usual, Gray was sound asleep in seconds. Jack laid a hand on his chest and enjoyed the slow rise and fall as Gray breathed. Usually that soothing rhythm was enough to help Jack fall asleep, but not today. When he finally did sleep, the alarm woke him much too soon.
The night went smoothly at first. They broke up a fight at a bar, ran off a crowd of kids loitering in a parking lot, and helped a woman whose car had broken down, but as they were patrolling a rundown residential area not far from Nathan’s they came upon a robbery in progress.
Jack opened his mouth to call out to the men who’d just broken the window of a car and were reaching in, but when he saw the gun in one of the men’s hands, he froze. His mouth moved, but no sound came out.
“Stop, police,” Gray called, drawing his service weapon. The men glanced his way and ran.
Gray holstered his weapon and took off after them. Only after he registered Gray racing down the street did Jack’s paralysis break. He took off after his partner. They chased the men down the block and into a deadend alley. Jack tackled one of them, but the other, the one with the gun, made it over a fence. Gray climbed the fence while Jack cuffed the man he’d apprehended, but Gray returned a few seconds later. They’d lost the accomplice.
Jack read the captured man his rights while Gray called for someone to come pick him up. While they waited, Gray questioned the man, and by the time a detective arrived to take over, Gray had gotten the accomplice’s name and a list of other locations they’d intended to hit.
When the detective stuffed the man in his car and drove away, Gray turned to Jack. “What happened?”
Jack shook his head. “I saw his gun and froze like a fucking rookie.”
“The shit that went down with Mason last spring bothered you more than you let on, didn’t it?”
