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‘I’ll come back in. As soon as he’s in the car—’
‘Millie.’ Jack pauses, then his eyelids close slowly, as if steeling himself. ‘Did .?.?. did you say you weren’t interested in me?’
‘W-what?’
‘Jess said something. Said someone talked about me and you sort of .?.?. recoiled. And – Jess can be a bit negative. Bit sceptical. But,didyou say that?’
Oh my God. I did. At the Summer-Ween party. Weeks ago. But I did it for Chloe’s benefit, I didn’t want her to think I was out there having an amazing, zingy time with someone I liked when her life was falling apart because ofme.
‘No.’ I step forward towards him. ‘No, I didn’t mean—’
‘Jess said you said you weren’t interested. Not your sort of person, not at all—’
‘Jack, honestly .?.?.’
‘So, you .?.?.didn’tsay that?’ Jack looks at me. ‘Why would Jess tell me that, then?’
I swallow, look at him in this tiny dim-lit lobby, the door behind Jack keeping the noise, the pub, what feels like the rest of the world, out. ‘Look, I did say that .?.?.’ I admit sadly. ‘But, Jack, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean a word of it. Just, Chloe was standing right there and .?.?. it was ages ago—’
‘Chloe .?.?.’ he repeats, his eyes sliding skyward. ‘So you said that for Chloe’s benefit?’ He looks at me then, despair sagging his shoulders.
‘I know,’ I say. ‘God, I know. I’m a fucking idiot. But she looked so sad, and I was so happy to just be there with you, and .?.?. what was I supposed to say?’
‘The truth,’ says Jack. ‘For your benefit. Not mine, not Chloe’s. The truth—’
‘Mills?’ Owen calls from outside. ‘Millie? Ah, shit, my phone .?.?.’
Jack shakes his head. ‘Millie, I really don’t have the headspace for this. I .?.?. This is my leaving party, and I’m standing here, with fucking Kalimeris outside, making a scene – this is .?.?. this is not me.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I really am. I should have never ever said it.’ But the ‘this is not me’ stings. As ifIam drama. As ifIam not him.
Jack nods, pulls open the pub door. ‘I’m going inside. Let me know when the taxi’s taken him home.’
And then he, too, is gone. And I stand between the two doors, both inside, and outside, as if in a tiny cell. A tiny purgatory. What am I doing?Whatam I doing?
I open the door, step outside. I pull my jacket around me.
‘My Millie,’ Owen smiles.
‘Did you find your phone?’
‘Nope.’ Owen laughs. ‘Fuck it. I don’t care.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I say. My eyes drop to the pavement, and I see it immediately, between the arch of a pub chalkboard stand. I bend and pick it up as it vibrates in my hand. ‘You’ve got a text,’ I inform him. ‘Multiple.’ I hand the phone to Owen, but I see the names on the screen. Hannah, Niamh (hinge) .?.?. andLeona? As in .?.?. Leona in IT? Chloe’s friend?
He takes the phone, smirks down at the screen. ‘Shurlock’s a bit pathetic, isn’t he?’
‘Be quiet, Owen.’
‘Are you friends then?’
‘What?’
‘Are you and Jack friends?’ asks Owen. ‘Or are you fucking him? You wouldn’t go for him, would you? Not sure you’re his type. You’re definitely my type though. Fuck.’ Owen stumbles closer to me. I stride back. My foot lands in a puddle, splashing my ankles. My shoe squelches and I suddenly feel like a tight coil, popping undone.
‘Did you cheat on Chloe?’
‘Did I – what?’ He recoils, like I’ve just attempted to slap him.
