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But she swallowed them all down, before gritting out, “I can take care of myself.”
Every drop of anger she felt seemed to reflect back at her within Maddie’s expression.
“Of course you can. Because you’re an expert when it comes to this, right?” Maddie spat with a venom of her own. “You probably knew exactly what they’d do—what they’d go for—the second they got through the wall.”
Saff glared at her, eyes narrowing.
That was good. Maddie needed that anger. She needed to hate her. She needed to hate her just as much as she hated the raiders who’d broken through.
Maddie needed to hate her so much that she’d wish she’d burned alive in that cell. Then maybe she’d protect herself next time. Maybe she’d put herself first—keep herself safe.
Saff opened her mouth, but before any words could come out, the door to the building opened.
James walked in first, then Josh.
The hazy morning light illuminated just enough of their faces that she could make out tears in their eyes.
It almost shocked her to see James that way. She couldn’t imagine her own father showing any negative emotion besides anger, much less crying.
And for some incomprehensible reason that she didn’t have the energy to ignore, her first reaction was to shift a step closer to Maddie.
“Your dad and Josh are back,” she muttered beneath her still wheezing breath.
Maddie straightened, and Saff caught the way she winced in pain with the movement.
“Josh? Dad?”
Josh sniffled and wiped his whole hand down his face before letting out a shaky breath. “Yeah,” he croaked.
Erin stirred in the chair she was sleeping in as James gently laid a hand on her arm. She blinked up at him as she awoke, then looked between him and Josh.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, concern filling her voice as she grasped him by the forearm.
Maddie shifted again in the bed beside her, but didn’t say anything. And again, Saff couldn’t help moving closer to her, resting her fingertips on the rough bed sheet.
James cleared his throat. “Its Carter,” he said through a quiet, shaky voice. “He—he didn’t make it.”
Josh let out a subdued sob that told her he'd already spent hours crying.
"What?" Erin asked, her voice more confused than mournful. "What do you mean, he didn't make it?"
Maddie went completely still beside her.
"He—" Josh started, then wiped his face again before taking a deep breath and continuing. "He must have been trying to fight them off. Someone found him near the wall." Josh sniffled again and wiped his nose. "They shot him."
Erin let out a cry of disbelief as she stood from the chair and hobbled to Josh, immediately wrapping her arms around him as he broke down into tears.
James took her place in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees and wiping his own face the same way Josh had. She could suddenly see the deep resemblance between them—the mannerisms, the somber way their eyebrows creased with grief.
Saff turned her head slightly, eyeing Maddie beside her. She remained perfectly still, her face a blank mask.
Throughout her short time in the hospital, Saff had watched many people go through the grief of losing a loved one, and each person processed it differently.
For some, it hit immediately, all at once. But there were others who tried to swallow it down—who tried to stay strong either for themselves or for the other people going through it. And she'd seen it enough times to know that those were the ones who ended up the worst. Because when their time for release finally came, there was no one left to share it with.
Saff watched Erin console Josh as they both let out unfiltered tears.
She never liked to stay for these parts.
