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because he's trying to spare me from having to have an uncomfortable conversation with Chloe.
I take a deep breath before I say what I say next, because I think it's the riskiest thing I've ever said. This is jumping in with both feet, free-falling into nothing.
"Killian?" I ask.
"Yeah?"
"Stay."
"Stay. . .?"
I nod. "For breakfast." I take a deep breath. Jumping, falling. "You should stay."
Killian stands there unmoving, his face impassive. For a second, I wonder if he even wants to stay at all, especially after my confession last night. Maybe he's rethinking this whole thing. He has his bachelor pad in the mountains, and he's used to living by himself. Maybe –
His answer jolts me out of my thoughts. "I told you I'd grow on you."
"What?"
A slow grin spreads across his face. "Careful what you wish for, cupcake. You invite me to stay, I might not ever leave." He clears his throat. "You got that waffle-maker downstairs? I know you think you have the monopoly on baked goods and all, but I do make a fucking fantastic waffle."
Downstairs, Killian makes us breakfast like it's the most normal thing in the world, while I hold my breath, watching Chloe's reaction, wondering if I did the right thing by asking him to stay.
I just invited him into my life in a big way. Our lives.
Chloe waits until we're at the table and she's taken a bite of her waffle before she starts asking questions. "Are you living here?"
"I have my cabin I live in," Killian says. "But I might hang around here a little more often. If it's okay with you."
"Okay, sure." Chloe shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly. "But will you show me how to fish?"
He glances over at me. After a moment's thought, I nod my approval.
"You bet," he answers with a smile.
37
Killian
"Hell has officially frozen over." Luke stands in the doorway of his house with arms crossed over his chest as Autumn walks up behind him, closely trailed by Olivia.
"What's frozen over? And why are you two standing in the doorway? You're going to let the flies in. Come inside or get out onto the porch."
I back up as Luke and Autumn step outside, closing the front door behind them. Olivia squeals, rushing across the porch and heading straight for a lizard darting across the floor. "Get bug!"
Luke points at me, talking to Autumn. "This man my brother Killian Saint, a man whose photo you would see under the word 'recluse' in the dictionary is inviting all of us – let me emphasize the words all of us – to his cabin. To meet his girlfriend. And her daughter."
"When you say it like that, it sounds completely ridiculous." Even so, I can't hide the grin that's been plastered across my face for the past few weeks. I know I look like an idiot with this goofy smile, but I can't seem to help myself. I wonder if this is how I'm going to look permanently. The past few weeks have been filled with more grinning – more laughter – than I thought was ever going to be possible for me. Lily has actually given in and let me help out regularly at the store, although I think it's mostly so she can get a piece of me in her office during working hours.
I think it's also so she can fend off the college girls who want to leave their numbers for me, even though when I suggested that as a possibility, she rolled her eyes and stormed off into the kitchen. So, I picked her up, carried her into the office, slid up her skirt, and showed her how much I think of the stupid college girls who wander into the bakery and try to flirt with me.
Last weekend, the three of us went hiking – me, Lily, and Chloe. Chloe was full of a million questions about absolutely everything on the trail, and I got to show her bugs and some of the plants that grow wild out on the mountain. She was like a little sponge, soaking up all the information, and it was pretty awesome.
Autumn's arms around me shake me out of my thoughts. "I'm so happy for you, Killian!"
I can feel my cheeks burning. "Honestly, you guys act like it's some kind of miracle that I'm seeing someone."
Autumn glances at Luke. "No…" Luke says.
"Shut up, Luke."
"We're delighted to come up to the cabin, Killian. Right, Luke?" Autumn asks.
Luke laughs. "Aww. You look so adorable with that grin on your face."
"I'm not too adorable to slap the –" I pause for a second, glancing at Olivia. "Crap out of you."
"Oh, God." Lily looks down at her cell phone.
"Mom, I'm ready!" Chloe bounces into the living room, clad in a yellow shirt with the words "Too Awesome!" in pink glitter across the front, pink jeans, sneakers that light up when she walks, and a purple floppy hat with a giant brim. She's holding her tackle box and the pink fishing pole I picked up at Connie C.'s store.
"Wow, that's quite the ensemble." Lily looks at me and grins. "Obviously, she's not been looking forward to this at all."
"I have been!" Chloe squeals. "I want to go fishing!"
"You might find that it's a little more boring than you'd think it would be. There's a lot of waiting around and doing nothing," I warn her.
Chloe sighs loudly. "Are we going already?"
Lily looks down at her phone, then back at me, her forehead furrowed. "One of the groomsmen in Amy Porter's wedding had a little too much B-O-O-Z-E before the ceremony and put his hand into the wedding cake. She's about to walk down the aisle and she's texting me a photo of the cake." She turns the phone around and shows me the photo of the mangled cake. "She's really upset."
"Why are you spelling things?" Chloe asks. "Boos? What's boos? Like a ghost? Who wants a ghost at their wedding? That's crazy."
"I really want to go fishing, but I also need to swing by a wedding and fix a cake," Lily says.
Chloe groans. "Mo-om, no. You promised we could go fishing."
"I'm sorry, baby. I – crap. Maybe –"
"I can take her down to the park," I interrupt. "I mean, if that's okay with you. Go fix the cake and just meet us there."
"Yeah!" Chloe yells. "You can meet us there. Come on."
I half-expect Lily to say fuck no, you're not taking my kid fishing by yourself. She stares at me, obviously considering whether or not I'm going to let Chloe play with matches and run with scissors. Or go waterskiing in the pond or something.
"Okay," Lily says, and I nearly have a heart attack.
"Okay?" I ask, because I'm not sure I heard her correctly.
"Okay," she repeats, smiling. "I'm not going to be that long. I'll meet you at the park."
Chloe hoots and hollers as she bounces across the living room, her shoes echoing loudly as she heads down the hallway toward the front door. "Come on, Killian!"
"Are you sure?" I ask. My hands slide around her back and I pull her against me. "I know this is a big deal."
She looks up at me, her eyes smiling. "I know. So don't fuck it up."
"That's some sage advice." I kiss her lightly on the lips, then a second and a third time. God, I can't get over how it feels to have this woman around so much. The more I'm around her, the more I want to be around her.
"Gross. Eww, kissing." Chloe materializes, yelling loudly. "Super, super gross. Barf. Barf all over the floor."
Lily laughs and steps back. "I'll see you guys at the park in like thirty minutes. An hour, tops. Don't let her run with sharp objects. Or swim in the pond. You hear me, Chloe? There are snapping turtles in that pond. Do not get too close to the edge, Chloe. Don't let her too close to the edge, Killian."
"No swimming. No sharp objects. No getting close to the edge. Check, check, and check."
Chloe sighs again. "Come on already."
Half an hour later, Lily texts me to say that the cake repair is taking slightly longer than expected. Chloe and I are cool, though, sitting in the grass beside the pond with her little fishing pole in the water. She was beside herself with excitement for the first fifteen minutes, but she's since declared fishing really boring.
"It's just waiting," she procla
ims, standing up just so she can dramatically throw herself back down on the grass.
I can't help but laugh. "It's a lot of waiting, but then a fish will bite and it will be exciting."
Chloe scrunches up her face and gives me a "whatever" look, turning over onto her stomach in the grass and poking in the dirt with her finger. "Did you know that ants can carry their body weight? Mrs. S taught us that in science."
"I did know that. You're almost done with school, right?"
"Yeah. I'll be in second grade next year. Too bad Hannah will be too."
"Who's Hannah?"
"This stupid girl in my class. She's mean."
"To you?"
"Yeah. Sometimes to other girls, too. But mostly to me. She says my mom came to this town because she did something bad."
I clench my jaw at the thought of Chloe getting teased at school. "Sounds like Hannah doesn't know what she's talking about."
"I know. She's always saying stuff like that." She's silent as she picks up a twig and pokes the ground. "She said that her parents said you were in jail because you're no good."
"Did she?" I ask. Heat rushes through me. The kid moves to a new town with her mother, gets teased by a stupid girl about her mom's past, and now takes shit because of me? That's real fucking great.
"Yeah."
"Jail is where bad guys go. Like robbers."
"Well, just so you know, I've never been to jail."
Chloe nods, still looking at the ground. "I know. You're not a bad guy. Or a robber."
"People say stupid shit sometimes," I say angrily. Shit. "Don't tell your mother I said that word."
"You have to give me a quarter for saying a bad word."
"I know."
"In second grade, I'm not going to let anyone push me around. Second graders are brave."
"Did one of the kids at school push you?"
Chloe shrugs. "Alex. He's Hannah's boyfriend."
"In first grade? Why does this kid have a boyfriend?"
"I don't know," Chloe says, exasperated. "He's a boy and he's her friend and he just does what she tells him to do. On the playground, he pushed me off the climbing wall. Mrs. S was looking the other way, and Ellie told her that I fell but Mrs. S said to go play. Then he tripped me at recess on purpose. And kicked dirt in my face. Hannah and Molly and Alex just laughed." Chloe rolls over, kicks out her leg and hikes her pant leg over her knee. "I just got a scrape. Don't tell mom. She'll just worry. And she'll talk to Mrs. S again."
My blood is pumping in my ears. "Your mom doesn't know that these kids are hurting you?"
"No."
"So these little shits are pushing you around on the playground for fun?" I ask in disbelief. "Okay, I owe you another quarter for that one."
"They're just mean. At recess, I've been staying against the wall because I don't want to go where they are. But it's okay. Ellie stays with me."
"Next time that Alex kid – or Hannah – gets near you and tries any of that shit – three quarters it is – you need to punch them, good and hard."
Chloe's eyes go wide. "Mom says you shouldn't hit. Ever."
Oh, hell. Am I giving bad advice? Fuck it, those kids are hurting her, she should know how to defend herself. "It's not hitting. It's called defending yourself."
"I don't know how."
"Let me see you make a fist."
"Really?" Chloe sits up straight.
"I'll teach you how to throw a punch."
38
Lily
"He should be a permanent fixture around this place," Opal declares as she pushes her way into the kitchen.
"I assume you're talking about Killian?" Killian has been here every day from morning until we close. I'm letting him help out, despite all of my earlier vows to never rehire him.
Oh well. I also said I'd never screw him. So I'm eating a little humble pie.
That's not all I'm eating.
My face flushes hot thinking about being on my knees and taking him into my mouth. And Killian between my legs, devouring me in the office after the morning rush is over. Nights in my bed after Chloe is asleep with Killian inside me, filling me up. We've been sneaking around like a couple of teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other – stolen moments in the office, in Killian's truck, in my bed.
Other images flash in my head, too.
Killian sitting at the kitchen table, his legs kicked out, leaning back in his chair the way he does, laughing as Chloe tells a nonsensical story about a bear and a chicken wearing a tutu and an invisible dog while I roll pizza dough on the counter.
Killian stretched out on his stomach on my living room floor, getting his ass handed to him by Chloe in a matching card game. Chloe cackling maniacally and shrieking when she beat him.
Killian leaning over and whispering during movie night. "I don't get it. So the mermaid lost her voice. Why doesn't she just write a note? Or get one of those little dry erase boards and some markers?"
Opal's voice interrupts my thoughts. "Of course I'm talking about Killian." Opal hangs her apron up on the hook on the wall. "I'm not just talking about him only being a permanent fixture in the store either."
I groan. "You're as subtle as my mother."
"I'm going to enjoy meeting your parents. Aren't they coming out to pick up Chloe soon?"
"After school gets out. She's going to stay with them for a week or two before summer camp starts."
"She'll love summer camp. Mary and Theo came down for two weeks for camp last summer and they gave my daughter grief about not being able to stay for the entire time."
"This is the first time she's going to visit my parents on her own," I tell her. "My mother may not quite remember what it was like to have a seven-year-old around."
"They make you feel young again. At least, that's what my grandkids do."
"Maybe my child is defective," I joke. "She makes me feel old and haggard and tired."
"That's not Chloe doing that," Opal retorts. "That's all the hanky-panky you and the Saint boy have been up to that's wearing you out."
