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The pastor closes the memorial with a prayer. He asks only the officers of the Northern District to remain. Weston’s station. The rest of the auditorium filters outside in our thousands and the blazing sunshine seems unjust when my soul feels like storm clouds and thunder.
Crowds line the university campus, awaiting the beginning of the funeral procession from here to the cemetery. There will be a private graveside service. Peyton has extended an invite to me, but I can’t be there.Five weeks .?.?. I was only a part of his life for five weeks.There are so many more people who deserve to be there more than me.
Mom grasps my hand tight as the procession passes us. It’s led by two motorcycles, then the hearse. The Reed family follows in a limousine. There are so many police cruisers and motorcycles.So, so many. It’s a constant stream of flashing blue, red and white lights. Cameras are broadcasting this live. Uniformed officers in salute line the route out of the campus.
Elena wraps herself around my arm. Maddie cries. Mom squeezes my hand harder. Verity watches me with concern. I’m not emotionless. I’m just empty. The past week has been rough, and after days of grieving, it finally sank in that he was really gone. I’ve reached a state of acceptance now. A state of determination, even.
Because I know exactly what I have to do now.
I bow my head and close my eyes as the end of the procession passes. I wish it were easier to recall all of the conversations Weston and I had, but in those moments where we spoke, I never knew they were numbered. I do have one thing, though.
I have his note he sent with the roses.
The one that reads, in his handwriting:Flowers or bear hugs? I’ll always give you both.
And oh, what I would do for one more bear hug from Weston Reed.
GRACIE
There’s a knock on my door. I already know it’s him. I invited him here, even though it scares the hell out of me. He still has a key, but he doesn’t barge in. I inhale a deep breath before I open the door to face him.
“Hi, Luca.”
Luca stands outside our door, his features downcast with remorse. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”
“I don’t,” I say. I open the door wider. A sign for him to enter. As he crosses the threshold, my pulse rockets. The last time he stepped foot in our apartment, he destroyed it. I shut the door and turn to him. “Take me off the lease. I’m moving out. You want to trash this place? Fine. Go ahead. It’s all yours now.”
“Gracie .?.?.” Luca swallows hard. Guilty as charged. He issolucky I didn’t want charges filed. “Where are you going to go?”
“I’m moving back home for a while,” I say with a curt nod at the two suitcases on the floor. I’m almost done packing. The only belongings left in this apartment are his. “And I’d like to close our joint account. We’ll split everything fifty-fifty.”
“Okay,” Luca says. He is in no position to argue, and for once, he doesn’t. He knows he’s fucked up big time. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and says, “You were right to close down our accounts. I shouldn’t have gotten pissed about that.”
“And?”
“And I’m sorry for trashing the apartment. I was wasted.” When I raise an eyebrow, he adds, “I’ve been such an idiot since I left. I’m not the same without you.”
When I look at Luca, I don’t feel anything for him. Not even hatred at this point. It’s complete and utter indifference. I walk past him and return to my suitcases, kneeling to the floor and folding a pile of T-shirts.
Luca follows me across the apartment. He sits on the edge of the couch, his head hung in shame. “I know it doesn’t matter now,” he murmurs, “but I never stopped loving you.”
“But I stopped lovingyou.”
“I know,” he says. As I lift my gaze to meet his, he reaches out to touch my hand. A flicker of sympathy crosses his soft features. “I heard about Weston. I’m really sorry, Gracie.”
I look away and clear my throat. “I’m going to be in Santa Cruz for a few weeks, and then I’m going to be gone for the next six months. Maybe longer. I don’t know. I’m trying not to have a plan for the future for once.”
“What?”
“You remember those big plans of ours? How we’d spend this gap year exploring the other side of the world?” I pause, because sometimes I can’t believe it myself. “I’m doing it. I’m going.”
Luca’s brows arch in surprise. “By yourself?”
“Yes.”
And he seems genuinely sincere when he says, “Good for you, Gracie.”
“I know.” I flip both my suitcases shut and zip them closed before hoisting them upright. I reach into my pocket, then hold out my set of apartment keys. “Here. These are all yours now. And honestly? I think it’s best if we stay out of each other’s lives from now on.”
