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“No, but he might assign you to one if you were willing.”
“You mean... work under another demon in the field?” I asked in horror at the thought.
Euriel smiled at me, but it was warm and only slightly mocking. “Pride is a sin, Sariel. If Gabriel wants you to learn humility and obedience...”
“Then this could be a better way of demonstrating that,” I said slowly, realising there was some merit in what Euriel was saying. I looked up at him. “I didn’t do well with the last lot. You think Palmer would assign me to another team if I asked him? That he’d give me another chance?”
Euriel shook his head. “No. He doesn’t like you. But he will if I ask him.”
I looked up at him. “You confuse me.”
He laughed. “And why is that?”
“Why would you do that for me? I insulted you, and you must know what our kind thinks of you.”
Euriel shrugged. “I don’t really care what our kind thinks of me anymore. There are five people whose opinion matters, and everyone else just fades away.”
“Your... lovers?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded.
“They aren’t all my lovers, as you put it, but we’re a family. And they are where I belong. As for helping you, well, as I said, I know what it’s like wanting to prove yourself, feeling out of place. I just want to help.” He grinned. “Falling from Heaven didn’t turn me into an evil demon, you know, Sariel. I just fell in love. I’m still the same person, only my actions are now what I believe is right, instead of what others tell me is right. It means I am wholly responsible for what I do, but it also means I don’t end up doing things that just don’t sit well with me.”
I looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes. He’d said he didn’t know why I was here, but maybe he had a suspicion, or knew more than he was admitting.
“If you could speak to Palmer, I would appreciate it,” I said stiffly. “I will take your advice and attempt to work with a team again. Who knows, maybe they’ll be reasonable and realise early on that I am more fit to be leader than whoever they have in charge now.”
Euriel laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, that attitude is going to help. Very well, Sariel, I’ll speak to Palmer tonight, and we’ll see what happens. Here.”
He handed me a small white card and I looked down at it. “What’s this?”
“My contact details. If you need anything, if you want advice, just... even to talk. I’m here.”
I ignored the flare of feeling in my gut, at this simple kindness. Angels weren’t supposed to be emotional creatures, that was the domain of humans, but in heaven everyone was on the same level, everyone working towards the same thing, but down here I was alone. And I felt it. Euriel’s act of kindness and his offer of... whatever this was... I appreciated it.
I put the card in my coat pocket and nodded at him. He smiled again, then turned and walked away.
The apartment was dark and silent when I let myself in. I spent most of my time on earth alone. Without a team to work alongside, I received my assignments from Palmer and handed my reports in when they were complete. Those were normally my only interaction with another being unless I was killing them. The conversation with Euriel had been... nice. But my apartment now seemed quieter and emptier than normal. I found myself wishing I had some kind of device to play music to temper the quiet, but I hadn’t allowed myself that when I’d moved in.
Gabriel had told me most music was the work of Satan, and I wasn’t sure without asking for advice, which music would be suitable for me to listen to, so I’d opted to play safe and have none. Maybe, in a few days, I might message Euriel and ask if he could recommend anything. His offer of help had touched me more than I was comfortable with.
I set my phone and keys down on the kitchen table. When I’d been assigned to the Concordia, I had been surprised to discover I had been allocated somewhere to live and a basic salary. This money had allowed me to purchase food, human clothing, and toiletries, as well as minimal furniture. I had purchased a table and chair for eating, and a bed to sleep in. I had seen human houses, full of furniture and clutter with nowhere to move freely. I liked the space, being able to practise my swordplay, or spread my wings. I shook off my trench coat, hanging it on the hook by the door, and set about making my evening meal, which was a colourful salad and a glass of water. Food and drink were not needed in Heaven, its light sustained our heavenly bodies, but here on earth, solid sustenance was needed. I intended to keep my body as strong and healthy as possible, but I didn’t know how to cook, and I had developed a regular diet of salad, and cold meats that I had bought ready cooked. It fuelled my body,but it still left me feeling unsatisfied for some reason I couldn't fathom.
I pulled out a notebook and pen, and sat down to eat, making detailed notes for my report for Palmer, leaving nothing out. Well, nothing except the fact I’d known full well I was walking into a trap and early enough that I could have left the area before I was attacked. I smiled at the thought and the memory of the skirmish in the alley, though the burns left by those foul tentacles would take a few days to heal. I had accelerated healing, but I wasn’t indestructible.
I thought back over Euriel’s offer to talk to Palmer about getting me assigned to a team. Not for the first time, it occurred to me that I could simply tell Gabriel what he wanted to know, and he might let me back into Heaven without all of this rigmarole. It would be so easy, I could just go and see him, and give him the location he wanted... I could be back in Heaven before tomorrow morning, maybe even at morning training. There would be side looks and whispers, but I was a commander, I didn’t care about that. I would be home where I belonged.
I sighed and set my fork on the table. It just wasn't an option. No matter what, it kept coming back to the same thing. I couldn’t give the location up; I couldn't put them in danger. What they had done was wrong, on so many levels, but... I just couldn’t bring myself to betray them. I would just pray Euriel’s plan worked. He was right. Here on earth, away from everyone I knew, I was lonely.
I shook off the feeling and stood up from the table. Self-pity wasn’t going to get me anywhere. Euriel, as problematic as his association was, had given me a way to approach my problem proactively, and I was going to give it my best shot. Even if that meant working for a demon and keeping my head down.
I washed up my plate and cutlery and headed for the shower. I had intended to work out tonight, but the skirmish in thealley had been training enough, and my clothes were torn and bloodstained with the thick black ichor that I had spilled from the hellions’ defiled bodies. I glanced over at my trench coat, my favourite article of clothing I had acquired since living on earth and was a little sad to see it was torn beyond repair and covered in ichor. Beyond saving really. Of course, a soldier knew to always have spares. I bundled it up and stuffed it into the rubbish bin, pulling another brand new one exactly the same from the built-in cupboard near the front door. I removed the tags and carried it into the bedroom where my small sewing kit was kept. After my shower, I’d need to sew a new tab into the inside that would hold my sword sheath.
I showered quickly, changing into the grey shorts and white tank top I slept in, before sitting and sewing the tab into the coat. My trousers were saveable, but the silk blouse sadly went the same way as the old coat. No matter. I had five of the same hanging in the wardrobe. It was the third I’d lost this month though, so I made a mental note to purchase new ones in the next few days.
I cleaned my sword last and sharpened it. Killing hellions required the extra power of an angel blade, but for more common supernaturals, a steel blade worked just as well, especially if you kept it sharp. No matter the creature, beheading would usually suffice. I let myself drift into the familiar, comforting movements of the sharpening stone, gliding it smoothly down the blade over and over. It was almost hypnotic, and I could almost be back sitting in my bed in the barracks with my host sleeping around me. We’d lived in long halls, each with a bed, dresser and stand for our armour, and living alone had been an adjustment. I found I enjoyed having a space of my own, but at the same time, the silence could often feel oppressive. Like now.
I sheathed my sword and hung it on the bedpost, checking the knife under my pillow, before settling down to sleep. My conversation with Euriel replayed in my mind as I tried to drift off, and when I finally did, my mind was kept busy by dreams of my last mission for Gabriel. I stood outside a familiar farmhouse, bodies of hellions scattered around me, and Euriel stood in the middle of the bloodshed dressed in black and smiling at me.
“See?” he said. “You can only truly love if you die.”
