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I began to go over our mission in my mind, calm, strategic analysis was what I needed right now. I knew this was mainly a reconnaissance mission. We couldn’t go too deeply into the cave system or stay down here too long - we still needed to get back to the surface and allow time for decompressions at several points between us and the boat. I knew Alastor was merely trying to ascertain whether this was the entrance we were seeking and if it was intact enough to bring down the serious equipment we’d need for a more extended stay this far down. The tunnel had widened as we delved deeper, the walls receding to grant us a little more space, and I was certain there would be plenty of room to bring down what we needed, assuming the tunnel didn’t narrow up ahead, and there was somewhere above water than we could utilise as a staging post for further exploration.
The flicker of Alastor's torch caught the jagged geometry of salt crystals that encrusted the tunnel walls, casting eerie shadows that danced like spectres in our wake. Although they gave a distorted feel to the tunnel, I could clearly make out the uniformity of the rock walls behind them, and I thought back tomy conversation with Alastor in the tent above only a few days ago, about the demons that had likely created this place, their suffering now crystallised into the very walls that confined us. The feeling of shame that already hung heavy in my stomach increased at the thought of what I’d said to him. Doubt crept into my mind as well, as I re-examined my words.
I had spent millennia in heaven, with few forays onto Earth until the last few years, and I had never been to Hell. All I knew was what I had been told by those with more experience. Angels I trusted, revered even. Since working for the Concordia, I had met a wide range of humans, demons and species in between, and the doubts had been creeping into my mind like tiny cracks. At first, I had smoothed them over, reassuring myself with memories of conversations in the celestial halls. I had felt guilty at even questioning my superior’s words. I should have faith, but the more time I spent here, the more I understood why faith was so hard. When there were so many convincing arguments against what one had been told, how did one maintain that faith? And was Alastor right? Was blind faith a good thing? Once I would have said yes immediately, but now, I wasn’t so sure.
I reached out and gently brushed my fingers along the salt crystals nearest me. Gabriel had told me that all demons were evil. That they were irredeemable, and a virus on this earth. He welcomed the day the Lord Almighty would return and end their existence, plunging them into eternal torment. I had fervently agreed. Now I thought of Alastor, and the way he considered the members of his team. The way he’d immediately switched Lily’s role when he realised coming down here would affect her. As much as I didn’t want to believe it, it was clear Alastor cared about his team. And if a hellhound could care, how could they be evil? How would I have felt if I’d been here centuries ago when these tunnels were built and seen the demons forced to endurepain and suffering as they worked for the man blessed by God? And what if one of those demons had been Alastor? Or Lily?
My mind whirled, darting from thought to thought, as though this tiny questioning of one small aspect had released a floodgate of doubts I’d always had locked away. What about Theo? Wolf shifters and other supernaturals had come from unholy unions between demons and humans, creating new species that had flourished along with humanity. When the Revelation came, what would they be counted as - humans or demons? Did they have souls that could be saved, or would they burn forever too? My heart ached at the thought of Theo in pain. I didn’t know him well, but I felt like I had known him forever. There was no hidden agenda with Theo, he simply was, and what he was, was friendly, caring and responsible. And brave.
That moment earlier when I’d realised he was in trouble, that was the first time I’d really felt fear for someone else. I’d felt sick as he’d gone over and over his equipment, his movements calm and practised, and had felt such relief when he’d sorted the problem that I’d almost reached out to touch his hand. Almost. Why had I cared so much? I mean, yes, it was sad when people died, but they were usually heading somewhere better, so death didn’t usually faze me. I shook my head, as if the movement might shake away the confusion that plagued me, and Theo’s voice immediately filtered through the intercom.
“You ok, Sariel? Mask clear?”
I didn’t dare look back, even though I probably wouldn’t have been able to make out much of his face in the dim light.
“No, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
There he was, checking in on me again. Alastor did it too, I’d noticed. Why did they care so much? It’s not like I was going to be adopted into their little family type team. I really didn’t understand people. Or hell hounds. Or wolves.
“Heads up.” Alastor’s voice interrupted my train of thought, and I looked past him to where his torch lit up the way ahead. The tunnel widened out into a larger expanse of water, and as Alastor directed his beam of light upwards, I could make out the surface of the water only a few feet above us. Alastor pointed up and we adjusted the airflow to our BCDs, rising slowly upwards. A minute later, our heads broke the surface and we bobbed there for a moment as Alastor slowly panned his torch around this new location.
I gazed around, following the light where it could reach the walls and roof of the cave. Fifty feet across, maybe more, it was an underground dome sculpted by forces both earthly and supernatural.
The cave walls were bathed in an ethereal glow as the light from Alastor's torch danced across the salt crystals, creating a mesmerising display, while white stalactites hung like frozen spears from above. Along one side of the cave ran a long, low rocky shelf covered in shimmering sand and salt. Along the far wall, Alastor’s torch revealed several dark places where further tunnels might lie.
“Sariel, you got your light?”
I grabbed it from my belt and turned it on, shining it towards the lowest part of the ledge where Alastor was heading. He turned off his own torch, using the light from mine to see as he reached the ledge and dragged himself up onto the shelf. With practised ease, he stripped off his mask, and took a long, deep breath.
"Air's good," he declared. I rolled my eyes. And if it hadn’t been, he could have just poisoned himself. Idiot hellhound.
He turned to me as if reading my thoughts and grinned. “Come on, stop dawdling.”
I gritted my teeth and swam to the edge of the shelf, passing the torch up to him. He set it on the ground, shining acrossthe sand, so he could reach down. I hesitated to take his hand, determined to regain my independence after my little slip earlier, but common sense prevailed and I reached up and grabbed it. With surprising ease, considering my weight and the weight of the lead and the tanks I was carrying, he hauled me up and out of the water. I flapped away over the sand, giving him room to help Theo up behind me, the fins while necessary in the water, were decidedly inelegant on solid ground.
Following Alastor’s example, I ripped off my mask, revelling in the feeling of the air against my face, and took a deep breath as he had. The air in the cave was heavy with a distinct scent of salt and other minerals, and surprisingly cool against my skin after the muggy warmth of the water we had been swimming through.
I watched Theo clamber onto the rocks, stripping off his mask and shaking his head like a dog, his wolfish grin back in place as water droplets flew everywhere. He looked up at me and his grin widened.
“Feels good to be out of the water, doesn't it?”
“Definitely,” I agreed, watching as Alastor removed his fins and moved over to the cave wall, turning on his own torch to inspect them more thoroughly. I turned back to Theo, moving closer.
"Hey," I said softly. "About that earlier dive...I'm sorry you had to see that. I shouldn’t have panicked. It was very unprofessional."
Theo turned; his eyebrows raised. “Sariel, you’re an inexperienced diver and the cliff took you by surprise. It’s not something you need to apologise for.”
"Fear is inexcusable," I said, trying to explain. "Especially fear that renders you a weak point in a team."
"We all have moments of weakness, Sariel," Theo said. "Even you. It’s not a big deal."
"Still..." I trailed off, unsure of how to articulate the frustration still simmering within me. Weakness wasn't something I allowed myself. Not ever.
“Look,” Theo said “You’re a badass angel babe who kicks ass from what you’ve said. A little flutter of fear in an unknown environment is normal, and I’d be more worried if you never felt fear.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed with him, but the feeling of shame I’d held since that moment, started to ease. A feeling of warmth filled my chest at his words.
“Badass angel babe, huh?” I asked, struggling not to smile.
