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A bitter smile crossed Alastor's face then, one that didn't reach his eyes. "And what makes you think what we share is a sin, Sariel?"
I struggled to articulate my thoughts. What I felt with him, in his arms, didn't feel wrong at all. It felt so right. It felt like Heaven, like… home. He felt like home.
"It’s forbidden,” I managed to spit out between clenched teeth. “I am forbidden.”
His forehead creased. "What are you saying?" His voice was barely a whisper, but it crashed over me like a tsunami. I steeled myself not to give in, not to throw myself into his arms and beg him never to let me go again. Another face formed in my mind. Handsome, perfect, flashing golden eyes… cruel beyond belief. Ruthless. Powerful. He could never know about this. About Alastor. The consequences would be devastating. I had to be strong.
"I am an angel, Alastor," I said, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "My place is not here, not with you. We... This can't go on."
He released a shaky breath and ran a hand over his head in frustration. "So what? We just stop? Sariel, didn’t you hear me before? I love you."
"No," I shot back, cheeks hot with shame. "You lust for me. This is lust."
"Lust?" Anger flared in his eyes. "Sariel, this is so much more than just lust!" He moved closer to me again, but I held up a hand to keep him at bay.
"No, Alastor." I shook my head at him vehemently. "You need to stay away from me."
He stared at me. “That's all you felt?” he asked. “When you were in my arms, that was all it was for you? Just simple lust?”
I swallowed, holding his gaze. Keep it together, you can do this. He needs to stay away. He needs to hate you.
“That’s all. I was tempted, and you are a skilful lover, Alastor, but it nearly went too far and I won’t give up my life to satisfy your desires. You think you love me, but you don’t. You don’t know me, and all I am is something forbidden.”
“No, no, I don’t believe you. You must feel it, this connection between us.” He reached out, sliding his hand behind my head and pulling me in for a kiss. I fought not to react, and he pulled away. “Sariel, please.” He was begging me and it broke my heart to treat him so coldly.
“There is no bond between us, Alastor, no connection. Or at least, not on my side. I feel nothing for you except respect for your leadership of your team.”
Afraid he would try and kiss me again, I slipped past him off the bed and pulled on my clothes. He didn’t speak as I dressed. I looked down at him and he just sat there, staring into space.
“Do you really mean it?” he asked, his voice flat.
“I do. I’m sorry, but this was just a distraction. A temptation to prevent me from returning where I belong. I won’t fall. Not for you.”
Alastor’s dark eyes swung round slowly, but he seemed almost distracted, like he wasn’t there at all.
“Alastor?”
“Are you rejecting me as your mate, Sariel?” he asked quietly.
“I…” I hesitated for a moment, seeing the desolation in his eyes.If you don’t, those eyes will be staring blankly at the sky once Gabriel destroys him and anyone that gets in his way.
“I am. I reject you as my mate, Alastor Hawke.” My throat constricted and the words caught in my throat, but I forced them out.
He closed his eyes for a moment and bowed his head. The ache in my chest increased and I bit my lip hard, trying not to gasp with it.
“I'll go…” I said, turning to move towards the door.
He stood, quickly, catching my hand.
“Alastor…”
“Can I kiss you? One last time. Please, Sariel.”
I looked up at him, his dark eyes haunted as he gazed down at me and for a moment, I almost agreed, but I knew if I let him pull me into his arms one more time, I would never be able to do what needed to be done.
I shook my head. “No, Alastor. No more.”
I pulled my hand away, and walked towards the tent door, unzipping it and stepping through. As I turned to do it back up, I caught a glimpse inside. Alastor, my dark mountain of a man, my strong and powerful hellhound, dropped slowly to his knees, as though I had destroyed him myself.
