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I was starving for a shred of help so I entertained this discussion.
"What's the third option?"
"Go into your home, the one you already have. Sweet thing, your man fucking loves you and fucking loves to fuck you." There was the true Jessica; I was afraid she was falling too much on the sweet side. "He did you wrong, I know; we all did you wrong, but I have never seen James so happy. He was married when I met him, involved in a normal relationship. They were supposed to be happy, but it's not even close to what you guys have. I'm just saying maybe you need to give him a chance to pay for that mistake before letting go of something so good."
I was stunned by her. I would have expected a heart to heart talk to come from Wendy; she was the calm one. She was the big brain of the house, always thinking forward and being rational, but Jessica? She was raw and visceral, nothing like this fluffy lady sitting in front of me.
"He has a child with another woman," I said and immediately realized that I just said something stupid. Who cared about that? This was the least of our problems.
"And you are married to a monster." She didn’t even know. The word didn’t even come close to describing Trujillo; he was a psychopath. "You both made mistakes, trusted people with your hearts, so what?"
"What happened to her? Chelsea's mother, I mean."
Both Jessica and Wendy made a grimace like I made them eat something bitter, and Wendy tried once again to be rational and not hurt anyone's feelings:
"She's not with us anymore."
What?
"Wendy, baby, don't make her sound dead, no. Avery is a colossal bitch who left James and walked out on her baby."
"Jess, we're both mad at her, but it's not our place to judge..."
"Fuck. Her. Rita, don't listen to Wendy, listen to me. Since he was in college, James had a full-time job trying to please that bitch and stop the rest of the world from strangling her. She gave nothing in return, nothing, and in the end, if she had wanted to leave him, James would have been fine with that. It's who he is to be good to people, and it's also the reason Zach keeps calling him balls-less."
"Oh, he’s got balls."
"Eww, gross." She laughed and rolled her eyes. "He would have been fine with that if Avery didn't reject Chelsea like she was an inconvenience. I almost killed the bitch when I delivered Chelsea."
My eyebrows shot up, curious.
"You delivered her?"
"Mhm, yes I did. This young lady was very stubborn and didn't want to come out and meet us, and her stupid fucking mother didn't want a C-section because she didn't want to damage her beautiful body. James had to literally beg her to get into the OR before the baby suffocated or came out with lung damage."
"Oh my God!" I covered my mouth to suppress the overbearing feeling of nausea. What kind of person...
"Yeah, so fuck her. She left James, and she left Chelsea. Did you know she was gone for months and didn't even call to see what the fuck her newborn daughter was doing? Teething, colic? Avery wasn't here for any of that. The day she left without any warning, Chelsea cried for two hours because she was starving, and James didn't have any formula in the house. She didn't even show at her custody hearing, so James's lawyers managed to get her parental rights cut short."
With every word she said, I grew angrier. I bet that some people, maybe most people, would feel bad or would show compassion, but all I wanted to do was find this woman and put her down like a dog, because Jessica was right; she was bitch. Who the fuck did that? Why? Why have a child and leave?
Why could she and I couldn't...?
The remembrance squeezed my throat and stopped the air from reaching my lungs. Trujillo tried to get me pregnant for years. He used to tell me that would be his insurance that I wouldn’t try and escape him, because then I would have had something to lose. I was scared to my core of what he could do to a child to hurt me but a little part of me always yearned for that. A little human that would be mine, would depend on me and...would love me. A tiny person to make my days better with giggles and smiles.
After a few years, it was obvious I couldn’t have children, and it crushed me because if there was life beyond Trujillo, that was when I knew it would never be full.
And somehow, I got this too precious, too short time with Chelsea. It was a blessing from above, a gift from Santa Madonna. I just couldn’t comprehend the fact that someone would walk away from it.
"How could this woman leave Chelsea behind? How dare she?" My voice was trembling with outrage.
Wendy got up and ran to the kitchen to grab a couple of waters for us because it was very clear everyone needed it and left me alone with Jessica.
"How can you?" she asked in a low and controlled voice.
"How can I what?"
"Walk out on Chelsea and James and never look back. Come on, Rita, you are in love with James, you know it. It doesn't matter how it started or what he did; you love him, and no one blames you. I mean, he's like the perfect man; if I had the smallest interest in dicks, I'd chase his."
