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5
New York City, 1992
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Salva’s sweet smile shining down on me. She had a short robe on and the morning sun was behind her, contouring her body in gold. I could never get tired of watching her. Her beauty was infinite.
“Good morning, amore.” My voice cracked, like it always did in the morning.
“Good morning to you too, Remy.” She leaned down for a quick kiss. “I made you coffee and some breakfast.”
“You shouldn’t have bothered, Salva. You have work today, I don’t want you to get too tired.” Only if I could convince her to quit her gig at the coffee shop, but there was no way. I tried several times.
She pushed a cup of steaming black gold in my face and I took a few eager gulps.
“I’ll be fine. You’re the one who has that big exam today, baby, so I made you some waffles. I know you, Roman. The moment I’m out the door you’ll bury yourself in books, go straight to class, and that exam takes three hours. I don’t want to worry that you haven’t eaten anything all day.”
“Thank you.” The words didn’t seem enough. She was always there for me, anticipating everything I needed. Bottom line was: the only thing I needed was her. “I love you, Salvatrice. Do you know that?”
“I do, because you tell me every day. I love you too.”
“You know, it’s not only my stomach that needs your attention before my midterm.” I gave her a sleek smile. “I think my nerves are getting the best of me.”
She smiled back, reading my game and gave me another kiss before throwing away her robe, exposing her creamy, very naked, skin. Her soaring breasts were begging for me to get closer and caress them, so I pulled her on my chest and started tasting her.
How many times have we made love by now? A hundred, a thousand, a million? I had no idea, but every time I got my hands on her it was like the first time. I could never get close enough to her, no matter how hard I tried.
Matching my enthusiasm, Salva let her hands wander down and reached my cock that was ready for her. When she climbed on top of me…
Portofino, 2000
…When she climbed on top of me, I woke up from the deepest sleep I’d had in years.
Dreaming about my memories of my days with Salvatrice was no news. Sometimes it happened every day of the week, but this time it was like I could feel her. Her presence was palpable and her smell was still lingering in my nostrils from the day before.
Jesus, she was really here.
I had a daughter.
I got up from the bed and the silk sheet slid down my naked body. I couldn’t help but imagine Salvatrice’s hands instead. Walking to the balcony, I took a few long seconds to look at the sea and tried to absorb some of its tranquility. As God was my witness, I needed it since I was about to have lunch with my daughter.
Daughter – the word was still feeling foreign to me. My mind wasn’t ready to comprehend that the small, angelic creature with almond-shaped brown eyes and silky, chocolate hair like her mother’s. I made that! I made that with the woman that meant more to me than the air I was breathing. The woman who ran away from me in fear. I couldn’t decide if I was blessed or cursed.
I planned everything for our lunch yesterday before coming home, so now there wasn’t much to do. I left Max out and saw miss Aida had kept her word and brought breakfast again, but I didn’t touch it this time. All I could do was sit and wait. I went back to the bedroom and sat in a chair, looking out the window for hours, until finally it was time to get dressed. To say I was nervous would have been the understatement of the fucking century.
I was supposed to pick them up at one. When the clock struck twelve, I jumped out of my seat starting to get ready. I picked out my best suit and a silk black shirt, not knowing what else I could wear. It was definitely unfit for what I had planned for us, but I wanted to be in my best shape.
Nerves were new to me. It wasn’t something that I felt often, or ever for that matter. When I took the bar, when I was in court, or running negotiations that could end up in gunfire, I was always confident – some would call it cocky – but now I was petrified thinking a five-year-old girl might not like me. What if she was mad that I wasn’t there? What if we could never make up for the time that was lost? There was so much at stake.
And then there was Salva. Even after she’d left me, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. Yesterday was the first time I’d felt a remotely negative feeling towards her, and I was ripped in half because of it. I didn’t know how to not love Salvatrice, but she’d robbed me of our child. How the fuck was I supposed to manage that?
One step at a time, Stefani. I tried to not think too much on my way to the bakery and focused on something else. I looked at birds, at my feet, at the sky – whatever could bring me some sort of distraction.
Everything disappeared the moment I saw Salvatrice and Romina. The people around, the bad thoughts: everything turned into a blur – just the two of them staying in focus. They had matching sundresses on, white with strawberries printed on. Romina had a headband with a bloomed poppy flower on her head, holding her thick locks out of her face. She looked like a doll. On the other hand, her mother let her hair run wild in the wind and wore wedge heels that made her legs run for miles. Salva was walking sex wrapped in an innocent dress which only turned me on harder.
When I got to them, Salvatrice squatted down to fix Romina’s hair and the little one gave her a kiss in return. My heart squeezed with ferocious intensity, wanting to take them both in and keep them captive in my chest forever. I cleared my throat to let my presence be known, feeling out of place for bothering their intimate moment.
Romina didn’t lose a moment to show her enthusiasm.
“Hello, Mr. Roman. Mama says we’re going somewhere with you today.”
