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“No.” We never left Portofino, so she never needed one. I never thought there would come a day when my baby would fly across the ocean.
“Ok, but you kept your citizenship?”
“Yeah, but I have permanent residency here in Italy. Romina has dual citizenship since she was born here.”
“That will work. I don’t wanna wait for her passport, so I will go to the American Consulate and pick her up a travel title.”
“You can do that?”
“Yes, but we need to do something else first. We can take care of that here in Rapallo.”
“Take care of what, exactly?”
“I don’t have any parental rights, so I can’t sign for her, but we can stop by a notary so you can sign a letter of proxy. We can change her birth certificate when we’re back in New York.”
He was a lawyer again. It amazed me how fast he could turn from the man I loved to the man I hated, to the brilliant, cocky attorney. I didn’t go to law school, I didn’t even go to college, but I knew what he was asking of me. He wanted to have legal guardianship rights over his daughter, at least temporarily, and even though I knew I had to do it, the words made me feel cold. I was giving her up. Romina was my baby girl and I was signing her away.
“Salvatrice?”
“Mhm, we can do it today.” He’d made it very clear he wanted to be out of Italy in a week tops, so I only had a few days to close up the shop and make sure Remy was ready to live her life on the other side of the globe. Maybe it was for the best. I loved working in my bakery, waking up and turning my ovens on made me feel so content, but I was just so tired of fighting the pain in my chest. I couldn’t bake too much at a time because inhaling the flour was irritating my airways and that triggered the coughing. I couldn’t pick up my daughter the way I wanted to, because the effort would send me straight into a coughing attack. I always lived only half a life here on the Italian coast. I made a few friends, but how well did they know me? My daughter was the only thing whole in my life and she deserved more than a fake happiness.
“Salva, I’m just asking you this so I can go and handle the documents myself. Otherwise, you’ll have to come with me every time there’s something to sign. You understand that, right?”
“Yes, Roman, I get it,” I snapped at him. “You want your daughter to know you, and to start your life as a father. I get it, and I appreciate that you’re willing to do all of this, but you have to give me a moment, Roman.”
“Where is this coming from? I’m not trying to rush you.”
“Not trying to rush me? Roman you don’t know what it means to just start over, but I do. A week is nowhere near enough time. And Remy? She’s going to have a shock and I’m thinking about how to prepare her for it.” A week. Seven days. And then nothing.
The ire, sadness, and frustration overwhelmed me, and it was too late to stop the tears from flowing. For months, I’d refused to cry and recognize the inevitable, but now that it was here, I felt powerless. Of course, Roman didn’t understand – why would he? He was thinking about a bright future, but for me there was only coldness and darkness ahead and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Hey, hey.” He pulled me to his chest and held me tight. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry. If you need more time, then we can go slower; we could spend more time here.”
“I’m sorry too. You know I’m not usually this sensitive, but there’s a lot happening so fast.”
“I’ll just take care of the documents next week.”
“Roman, you’re right, there’s no reason to drag this out. It’s just hard. Six years, it was just Romina and me.” I inhaled and exhaled to calm myself before my chest burst into fire again. “I’m letting her go.”
“Allowing me to be her father doesn’t make you less her mother. We’re giving her two parents. Is it that bad?”
“No. She deserves the world and you can give it to her.”
“You did too, Salvatrice. You loved our daughter for both of us and you’ll do the same after you sign the fucking proxy.”
“Yes.” I only wished there was a way to make Romina understand that. It didn’t matter what happened, or if she could be with me or not, I would always love her more than anything. I loved her more than life itself; that’s why I was doing this for her. “Let’s go and sign that proxy. You need to get things ready for us to leave.”
“We can wait if you want.”
“No, you’re right. The sooner we leave, the sooner she can settle.”
“Oh, she’ll settle alright. I’ll enroll her in the best ballet school in New York. I’ll make dreams come true for both of you.”
~~~
When we made it back, Romina heard Roman’s car pulling up in front of the building and she came running to welcome us with Maximus on her trail. The dog went straight to his owner and while Roman petted him, I hugged the hell out of my daughter.
“Mama, you’re back. You lied, you said you wouldn’t be gone for too long. It’s been a whole day.”
