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15
New York City, 1994
I drove to our apartment in complete silence, but my mind was preoccupied. For the past two days I was at war with all the people that I called kin. I knew it had to be done the moment Salvatrice said yes and agreed to be my wife. Nothing was more important than her, not family or blood, not even my oath. My father threw a fit, of course; I was his only son. It was a disgrace to his many years as Lieutenant to the Nucci family, for his own son to just turn his back on the famiglia, but it had to be done.
Hugo hated it, and Gino couldn’t even look at me after I told him that my decisions were final, but it had to be done. Salvatrice was deserved to not live a lie.
I was dead to my father; I knew that and I was at peace with it. I might not see my brothers as often as I’d like, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I loved her. I loved her above all and I couldn’t wait to be back in her arms.
I walked into the apartment, ready to make love to Salvatrice, eager to see her after two days of sleeping alone, but the moment I opened the door something wasn’t right. There was a certain coldness in the room that made me feel on edge.
I walked into the kitchen and found Salva’s coffee cup still on the counter, which was weird, since she always left everything in perfect order before leaving the house. Our bed was a mess too, and I couldn’t put my finger on what was giving me the uneasy feeling. I expected Salvatrice to be home by now, but then I finally understood what was going on.
The closet – half of my clothes were on the floor, and most of hers were missing. The traveling bag I carried up here when we moved in together was also missing, and the realization grabbed me by the throat, making it hard to breathe. Salvatrice wouldn’t have gone on vacation without letting me know.
I became frantic, going around with no plan in mind and calling her name, almost like I expected her to pop from somewhere and tell me it was some kind of joke. My mind was screaming at me that she just wasn’t there – that she left – but that wasn’t possible. She was my woman and she fucking loved me! We were going to get married, for crying out loud.
With a hand in my hair and one gripping my chest, I started walking in circles, running scenarios in my head – did the engagement spook her? Was it something I said, something I did? Was I just going fucking crazy and she was going to appear through the door any moment?
My questions were answered when I spotted the shiny diamond ring resting on the coffee table, deserted, just like I felt, with a note next to it. I recognized her handwriting before I could make sense of the letters.
I know who you are. I know what you do. I can’t be with a man like you, Roman.
She knew. She knew and left me.
…And when she left me, she killed something inside me.
New York City, 2000
The days that followed, I did what I knew best when my heart was forced through a meat slicer – I hid. All my time was dedicated to Romina and nursing my bond with her. We made it to the park after all and she loved it. She even made a few friends. Some single mom tried to rope me into some type of date for kids – a play date – and she was so damn persistent, I had to show her the gun hanging on my belt just to make her step the fuck back. I was pretty sure that my recklessness cost Remy a friend, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Both my mobile and my landline never stopped ringing; Catherinelle, Gino, and the others tried to get to me constantly, but I had Paul giving them the run around every time. It’s only been three days since I told Gino to go fuck himself because he talked shit about Salva. I really didn’t want to see him and admit he was right, and I got screwed again.
Roman Costa Stefani – this was my name. A name well-known, well-respected in the borders of this city. I sat down with everyone from mafia bosses to politicians and looked down at all of them. If anyone would go around and ask about me, they’d find a mix of admiration and fear in people’s eyes. Not Salvatrice. To her I was a fucking joke. I was the man she’d fucked over, twice.
I tried to make sense of what happened for days, but the puzzle was just too fucking complicated and the edges of the pieces were not fitting together. Screwing with me was one thing, but Romina? She loved our daughter, I was sure of that, so what was going on? Why did she send her away with me? Was there someone else who didn’t want anything to do with Salva’s child? The thought alone made me go down in unleashed flames fueled by anger.
I loved her – I love her – with everything I had. I’d looked past her mistakes and lies; I’d washed away the fact she kept my child a secret and this is what I was given in return? Fuck it.
Salvatrice was scared of the gangsters lurking in the shadows of New York City, and I was one of them. I tried to soothe her wounds and make her trust me, and I failed. Maybe now it was time to give her a legit reason to fear me.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Hugo like it was a natural impulse, and told him to meet me at my place. I don’t know if it was because of the radio-silence of the past few days, or if he heard something in my voice, but in less than twenty minutes, the Albanian Monster was on my doorstep, and what a surprise, he brought his wife with him. The moment I opened the door, she snapped at me.
“What the hell, Roman?!”
“What?” I said, taken by surprise.
“You came by the other day, dropped the bomb, and then went under? Mom wants to see your…” She stopped to whisper the rest of the sentence, “your daughter.”
“It’s fine, you can say it. I told Romina the truth; we had a discussion, and she understands the situation.”
“Roman.” Cat crossed her arms at her chest, “She’s six. You have to talk to her in a fatherly manner, not bore the child with a lecture.”
“I was very fatherly,” I screeched through my teeth.
“Aha, sure. Anyways, I want to spend time with my niece. I love Enzo with everything in me, but he’s in a place in his life where he sleeps most of the day. You know I like kids and the Ogre doesn’t want to give me any. Let me play with yours.”
“Sure, Cat.” I was actually grateful that she was so interested in knowing Romina because that little girl was going to need as much love in her life as possible.
