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I couldn't even accept what Doctor Williams was explaining to Doctor Bender until I saw the taped interrogation videos. I looked strange, elegantly folded into a chair, and giving attitude that wasn't mine. I insulted everybody, moving smoother than I ever knew I could. I saw my own lips say, "I'll tell you whatever you want to know, so long as Angel walks." And then I smiled and stabbed myself with a pencil.
A brown-haired, brown-eyed girl, acting like a green-eyed terror.
The times I argued with Jake over what I thought were misunderstandings, weren't.
Avery must have made sure he never found out there were two souls living in my body. I didn't even know it. It seems the only ones who did, weren't sure enough to say anything. Until that day in the jail, when Avery talked about being broken, nothing made sense. And after, it made even less sense.
"I promise to stay calm," I beg my lawyer. "Please. Just let me go a little longer."
Once he gives a reluctant nod, a guard re-cuffs my free hand to the arm of the chair and I am allowed to keep talking, telling all of them what I now know to be true.
"Jake was completely innocent. He dealt with everything and understood so little. He truly loved me. And she-" my voice gives. I clamp my lips in my teeth, holding the urge to cry inside. I can't finish the sentence.
A hand sets a fresh Diet Coke on the table in front of me. Bendy straw and everything. The sight calms my bawling. I thank the quiet man with, what I hope is, a smile and take a long, cool sip.
Darren asks, "Can you tell us what happened that night?"
My lawyer cuts in. "She has no first-hand knowledge-"
"I'll tell them." My lips tremble around the straw as I take another drink.
"Miss Patel, I understand your desire to share, but you are distressed and I am charged with looking out for your best interest." He's closer now, in my line of sight. One hand is extended towards the microphone. "As you recall, that night was never the purpose of this interview. Any commentary on an event you cannot fully recall is reckless. Pointless."
Darren leans towards the microphone and flips the switch. The constant red light on the base goes black. "Mister Brandon, Miss Patel, I ask for simple, professional curiosity. It's not often we have the opportunity to observe dissociative behavior firsthand. We have all the hard evidence in the case file; the forensics, and statements from the band members. Transcripts from your hearing, but as you insist, no one was there except your alter, Avery, and the victim."
"I have dreams about it sometimes. My doctors at Canyon View say they're repressed memories manifesting or something like that. They may not be exactly right."
In my heart, I pray they aren't.
Quiet Darren's forehead has had a constant crevice for the past several hours, but now he leans back in his chair and the crevice smoothes out. He looks years younger. "I can accept that. What about you?" He turns to Tight Bun Tara.
Her eyes widen. "So long as you understand, Miss Patel, whatever you reveal to us will have no bearing on the results of this evaluation. Our decision will not be swayed-neither more nor less lenient. Is that clear?"
"Yes," I say, leaving out that I don't give shit either way what happens after this. Explaining this part was the whole point of my cooperating. So they can all see that I am not Avery. Though we share the same body, we are not the same person. We are polar fucking opposites. I need for that to be clear.
I look at my lawyer. "You know my opinion." Mister Brandon crosses his arms.
I adjust myself in the chair. "The dream always starts with . . . well, Avery. She's alone, standing in the middle of the motel room. The only light is coming from the television."
48
-What Happened
A knock sounded at the door. Avery hadn't been in the room for more than a few seconds. She was still in her clingy clothes, wet from her night swim in the motel pool.
She opened the door minutely and saw Band Chick-Angelica.
"Hey," Angelica said with her perfect lips, "it's getting way too naked over there. You mind if I crash in here?"
"Things not working out with Andrew? And don't you have a room?"
A smirk perked up one side of her mouth. "He's playing hard to get, I guess. I have my own room, but not at this shithole and I drank too much to consider driving."
Avery shook her head, unsympathetically noting the guitarists wobble. "I got a headache. A real bad one."
Angelica's shoulders dropped. "Fuck it. Guess I'll just go pass out in my car."
"Well, I took some pain reliever. Probably come back in about an hour?"
