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And . . .
Why did you let me give you every part of myself just so you could toss it all back into the trashcan that it came from?
But particularly . . .
How? How could you break my heart?
“I can’t give you an excuse,” he said in a careful voice that trembled. “But I’m asking for forgiveness. Please. I don’t make sense without you and you don’t make sense without me and you know it. We only ever worked together. How long did you think it was going to last? Scarlett without Dante, Dante without Scarlett? You and I going about our lives as though the other doesn’t exist? Who are you kidding? Who are we without each other? Apart we’re not ourselves. And it’s been long enough. I’ve been punished long enough.”
Had he?
And—had I?
And—couldn’t he at least try to make up an excuse? Even if it was bullshit, even if it was a complete lie, couldn’t he at least try?
I didn’t know how to respond to him. I didn’t know what to say.
I didn’t know what to think.
He had completely weakened me, utterly destroyed any resolve I thought I’d built against him, and when he started to move to me, I couldn’t find the strength to get away.
He crowded but barely touched, his hands going around me, under my hair, feeling at my nape.
Time froze as he unfastened one of the chains around my neck, took the ring off, and put it on my limp finger.
“I know this is sudden to you. I know it’s a shock. I’ll give you time. There’s no deadline on your answer, but it’s out there now, what I want, how I feel, though that was never much of a mystery if you were paying attention.”
“It doesn’t even make sense,” I pointed out tremulously. “We don’t live near each other, and you know damn well it can never work long distance between us.” We’d tried and failed it once. Some part of me blamed that distance for our downfall. It was my ego, I supposed, that was certain that he never would have turned to her if I hadn’t been so far away.
“I’ll move to L.A. If you say yes, that you can forgive me and give us another chance, I’ll move tomorrow.”
I was looking down at the diamond on my finger, Gram’s diamond, that she’d passed down to Dante, that he’d given to me once upon a time when I’d still believed in the conquer all power of love.
I couldn’t stop shaking.
“Don’t say no,” he pleaded. “Don’t say anything. Just think about it. I’ll wait for you. However much time you need, I’ll be here waiting.”
And then, he backed away.
We barely touched, barely said another word when he dropped me off at the airport.
I didn’t look back as I headed into the terminal, but that insidious thing inside of me was raging again, every step I took that led me away from him, it raged.
I was on the plane before I let myself cry. I pulled a blanket over my head, and God, did the tears fall.
I’d folded in on myself, my body failing under the weight of one simple realization: I needed to change. I couldn’t go on like this. Hatred alone was not enough to fuel a person through life. I needed to find some version of peace.
What could I forgive for the sake of love? What could I get past for the simple justification that I wanted to be happy again?
My answer stunned me. Rocked me down to my soul.
More than I’d ever thought I could.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE
“Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love.”
