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Even if we had both been satisfied by the end of it, that guilt returned to me all over again. The thought of her waking up and having to confront what had happened filled me with a sense of dread that urged me out of bed.
A part of me wanted to stay and savor the warmth she exuded, but I remembered how many projects were mounting at work, and I knew it would be a good distraction for me.
Before leaving the bedroom, I took one last look at Sara while she slept peacefully, and I couldn’t help but think about how incredible our night together had been. While surprising, it was a mutual release I think we both needed.
My clothes were strewn about on the living room floor, but it didn’t take long to collect and put everything back on. I wasn’t usually a fan of re-wearing dirty clothes, but I needed something until I reached my house at the very least.
I found a pen and a notepad in the kitchen, and I quickly scribbled a note. Even if I was leaving, I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t considering her feelings at all. While everything seemed a lot more complicated than it previously had been, I cared enough to give her a heads-up.
Once I had my things and the note was written, I let go of a deep breath and made my way out of the house.
I knew it was a cowardly move to up and leave before she was even awake, but it felt like the best option at that moment. I had already made things awkward by overstepping with the arrangement but sleeping with her only amplified that.
Saving us both from that initial embarrassment felt like the right thing to do.
The drive to Donovan’s garage was short but effective at clearing my head enough to keep me sane. Even if things had escalated between me and Sara, I told myself I didn’t need to dwell on it.
But as I got started and tried to push past it, she was all I could think about.
Her body was so perfect, and she responded to my touch in such a sinful way. Her enthusiasm got me going like she knew exactly what I liked.
I had had my fair share of partners in the past, but none of them felt like she did. Everything about our time together was electrifying, and I had a deep craving to return to that. To see her again and have her near me.
Part of me was afraid she wouldn’t want to see me again despite it, and I felt surprisingly upset by that idea, which was unlike me. I wasn’t one to chase any woman before, since that usually expended more time and energy than I was willing to give.
I had felt obvious attraction and lust before, but never to that degree. The rush of overwhelming feeling that came with being wrapped up in Sara was something entirely different, and it was completely addicting.
As I tinkered around the garage and tried to bury my thoughts in work, the urge to see her again pulsed from within my chest. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to ignore.
By the time I decided to take a break, my head was overwhelmed with thoughts of only her. Like a voice echoing in the back of my mind, she was just there. Ever-present and refusing to let me think about anything else.
Reaching for my phone, I signed into our community app and scrolled through my list of neighbors. It was a way for us to contact one another in case of emergencies, and while my desire to see Sara was by no means an emergency, my thumb hovered over her name regardless.
Her number was listed right there below her name. It would be so easy to send her a text and strike up a conversation.
Resisting the urge was like fighting an addiction, and I couldn’t place why that instinct was suddenly so strong. Nobody had ever gotten into my head like that before. I felt almost pathetic.
Coming to a compromise with myself, I copied and pasted her number into a new contact on my phone but turned it off instead.
Something in me was longing to get her attention, her time, and her approval. It wanted nothing more than to race over and apologize profusely for leaving that morning. It wanted me to beg and plead for the chance to stay and find myself in her bed again.
It was suffocating, and I couldn’t understand it.
Growing tired of how overwhelming it was, I forced myself to pull it together, and I got back to work.
I needed to hit the gym and clear my head. That was the only place capable of distracting me, and I needed that rush of endorphins.
We may have had a scheme going on together, but Sara was just my neighbor and potentially a friend. As great as our night together had been, I needed to remember that.
***
Relieved to be done with work for the day, glad at the very least that I had been the only one in the garage, it was nice to reach the pack gym.
Carrying my small duffle bag over my shoulder, I went inside to find it wasn’t particularly busy. But those shifters still managed to send me casted glances. As if they were questioning why I was even there.
Despite the peace treaty and everything Rowan worked hard to accomplish, there were still some Rose Valley shifters who weren’t entirely cool with us cohabitating with them. They were quiet about their distaste, but it was still palpable.
I could feel it then as I returned their stares, not afraid to stand my ground.
