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“Yeah, that’s the spot,” he groaned, squeezing me closer to his chest.
I grinned and settled my cheek on his pec, then went to work massaging the spots near his scar.
“What about you?” he asked after a few minutes of me knuckling his muscles.
“What about me?” I countered, not bothering to lift my face from its comfortable pillow.
“What did you do over the last two years? You’re working somewhere else, obviously, but why? What happened? Did shit go down between you and your Dad so hard that you had to leave?”
“No, well, I mean, kind of,” I blurted. “After what he did to you and we left you there bleeding in the doorway, I couldn’t forgive him. Not that he asked me to. Things between us kind of broke, but we’ve managed to put things together again in a way. It’s just different now. They see me more as an adult now, which is a healthy change for us. That’s why I had to leave the dealership, too.”
“That makes sense. But I bet it ripped them up. Especially your mom.”
I nodded.
“She and I visit and go to the store together occasionally. We make time. And there's always Friday dinners.”
“That's why you came over last weekend?” He snorted.
“Mom might’ve warned me not to come, but I was too curious. I thought that maybe it could’ve been you, and I couldn’t risk missing you.”
His hand was back to stroking soft lines down my back as I looked into his face. He was staring at the ceiling, so I could bask luxuriously, just watching him.
Silence settled over us, but that ever-present feeling of unease naggled in my chest. I had to say it, no matter what he said back. There wasn’t space for the unknown with a past like ours.
“Why does this feel so easy?” I whispered. “When we’re alone, it feels so normal and right…but the moment we get to the real world it feels like this is all an illusion that’s two seconds away from shattering?”
Ashton blew out a long breath and sat up, nudging me off his lap.
“So I’m not the only one feeling that way?” was his response. “I just thought it was this newfound insecurity I've been experiencing.”
I shook my head as I sat up, sitting back on my heels.
“Nope. It’s not just you.”
He shoved his hand through his now dry hair and shrugged one shoulder.
“I don’t know why, but it feels fragile, like I’m an eighth of a second away from fucking everything up and repeating the last two miserable years for the rest of my Goddamn life.”
Those words broke my heart, but simultaneously gave me some hope that maybe there was something in our future besides what we’d experienced in our past. Maybe there was a real future for us.
“Do you think that feeling will go away?” I asked, stroking my fingers against the clenched fist resting on his thigh.
His hand relaxed and those long, strong fingers tangled in mine.
“Eventually. But we have to learn to trust each other first. You can’t feel secure with someone if you aren’t sure that they’re going to have your back.”
I wanted desperately to ask if he had mine, but the words stuck in my throat.
“Ash?” I said instead.
He finally met my eyes, fingers gripping my hand tighter as he did.
“I know it feels so weird and unsure, but I wanted to make sure that I said it again. I love you. Not because you’re hot and I’ve always had a little crush on you, but because you’re a good man, and you’re strong, and you love so fiercely the people that you’re loyal to. I want to be one of those people. One of the ones you wear tattooed on your heart.”
He lifted our hands, pressing a kiss to the back of mine before he brought it to the goddess tattoo on his side.
“You’re already there. Permanently. Inside and out.”
