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“It’s a dangerous job. We all know going into each one that it might be our last. We try damn hard for it not to be, but there’s always that uncomfortably large chance that it could happen. Each Raider is apprised of the mission, losses, and chance of success.”
“I would’ve been better off not knowing that,” I grouched, but he just turned to me and gave me a soft smile, his hand landing on my thigh beneath the table to give it a gentle squeeze.
“We’ll just be grateful that he’s not going on secret, dangerous missions anymore,” Felicity murmured, meeting my eyes.
For a woman who just found out about her nephew, she sure had a lot of relief in her eyes to know that Ash wasn’t in the military anymore.
After a short pause while our waitress got our order, Felicity looked at Ash again.
“What was recovery like? I heard that the injuries were serious, but I don’t know what exactly happened.”
Ashton just shrugged.
“Recovery was hell,” he admitted. “The entire left side of my pelvis had been shattered by the exploded rock around our hidey hole. It dug a pretty good gash through my leg, but I was lucky that it missed my femoral artery. If it had punctured that, I’d be dead. I received a massive concussion, got all torn up, but I kept breathing, so the guys dragged me out and managed to get me to safety while we waited for backup. I’m lucky that my men are all animals, and even being outnumbered three to one, they managed to put down the attacking party even after the final shot for the target had been fired.”
“How did you find out? Were you awake for all that?” Felicity looked shocked.
To be fair, it all sounded like something coming out of some kind of Hollywood movie. To know that there were men and women who did that job in real life was kind of a mind fuck.
“Fuck no. I passed out in the cave and didn’t wake up until I was in a recovery hospital. I’d been all patched up and it was four days after it had all gone down.”
“So you lost four days? I bet that was disorienting,” I said, stroking my fingers between his as they stayed pressed to my leg under the table. “How did you find out?”
“Well, of course it was my second question.” He nodded, like that would be the normal train of thought for anyone who’d just managed to wake up from a life threatening wound. “The first was asking about the team, and how many hadn’t made it. The second was whether we’d achieved our mission. If we hadn’t, I don’t know if I’d be able to look at myself in the mirror after the disaster we’d had.”
“So your team told you?” Felicity asked.
That’s when Ash’s face became shuttered with unbelievable sadness.
“No. Actually, I haven’t heard from anyone in my team since it happened. Except for Yamin. He’s always had my back, even after that.”
She tutted, looking viciously disappointed.
“Shame on them,” she hissed, covering Ash’s other hand with hers on the tabletop. “Shame on them for abandoning you when you needed them the most. You did nothing wrong, hun.”
“Sure I did,” he countered. “It was all my fault. I don't blame them one bit. I accept that I’ll have to live with those three deaths on my shoulders for the rest of my life. Looking into their eyes and seeing the hurt would be too much, anyway. It’s better this way.”
I didn’t agree, but I couldn’t argue. I didn’t know the slightest how he would feel, or how I would feel if I’d been in his hypothetical boots. I could just support my man by shutting the fuck up and hanging on. It seemed that was all he needed, anyway. Denials would only upset him more.
The food got to our table in record time, and I had never been so grateful to medium rare steaks for saving the day.
The topic quickly moved off Ash and the Raiders as Felicity zeroed in on me and my life.
By the time we finished eating, Felicity pushed her plate away and sat back in her chair.
“There’s one more item of business, I’m afraid,” she said, looking right into Ash’s eyes. “There’s still the house that Joseph left.”
“I don’t want it,” Ash grunted out.
“You don’t want anything?” She lifted a brow at him. “I know how you feel about your father, but your mother lived there, too. He had all of her things.”
That got his attention.
“I want to see it.” His voice got deep and thick with emotion just thinking of his mother.
Felicity handed over the keys to him.
“Hopefully by the time you’re done combing through the house, we can get the funeral over with and go home.”
