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That was a dick move.
“Oh boy, so we’re back to trying to sabotage things between us again?” I snarled, shoving his hand off my lap.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant,” he grumbled, taking his rejected arm and folding it with the other across his chest.
“Then please explain what you meant.” I was so riled up, but I wanted to give himself a chance to explain, because I swear, sometimes the man struggled getting his feelings out in any sort of conceivable way.
“It just seems unbelievable to me,” he murmured, insecurity and vulnerability lacing his voice. “I’m just me, a washed up Raider with more scars than teeth. I’m good with everything until I remember how old you are, then I’m wondering what the fuck you’re still doing with me. Even a bastard like Yamin would be a better catch than me, and a lot closer to your age.”
I rolled my eyes, but tried not to snap at him. Even though I was annoyed and irritated, I vaguely understood how much those words must have cost him.
“Can I ask you a favor?” My voice was soft, even though I wanted to scream. “Instead of thinking of all the ways we’re different, I need you to focus on the things that make us right for each other. Can you do that for me?”
He shrugged. “That’s a short list.”
“You know, it’s insulting when you say shit like that to me,” I told him, unable to hide the spike of hurt his words sent right into my chest.
He didn’t seem to mind though. His brain was working on overdrive trying to think of something to say, so he didn't notice.
“We have amazing sex,” was what he started the list off with.
Of course.
“And?”
He continued to think.
“When I’ve got you pulled against me, we fit together like puzzle pieces.”
That was something.
“Maybe think of something with a little more clothes on?”
His lips tipped in a wan smile.
“You’re the most understanding and forgiving woman that I’ve ever met. In that way we fit together because I’m a selfish, confusing bastard.”
That got a snort of a laugh out of me.
“And?” I hummed again.
“And, shit, nobody other than you understands what’s going on in my head except maybe my therapist.”
Of all the things he’d said, I hadn’t expected that to be what made tears well up in my eyes.
“That’s the thing though,” he murmured, shaking his head. “I’m the one that benefits in this relationship. It almost feels like taking advantage of you by being here.”
“That’s a selfish way of looking at it,” I countered.
He just blinked at me.
“Did you not hear what I said about being a selfish and confusing bastard?”
Another snort shot from my nose.
“Oh, I’m well fucking aware,” I assured him. “But believe me, I’m getting plenty from this relationship, too.”
“And?” he threw back the single word to me that I’d been pestering him with, and fair enough.
