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I just sipped that beer, wondering what Freya was doing.
“Did you see the game last Sunday?” Tommy asked distractedly while he typed out his message.
“Nah. Haven’t been able to get back into sports since I got back,” I admitted. “You know that.”
“Right. Well, what’ve you been doing?” His head lifted and his eyes met mine.
Freya’s blue eyes stared back at me. Guess she had her father’s eyes. Funny how I’d never noticed before.
“I got myself a car and have been fixing it up.”
“What kind of car?” he asked, eyes lighting up with curiosity.
“You remember back in our first deployment, we talked about our dream cars?” I lifted a brow, wondering if he could recall such a small moment from so long ago.
“Fuck yeah I do. Sixty-nine Vette. If I remember correctly, you wanted a 70’s Pontiac, right? Shit…Firebird?”
I nodded, impressed.
“I got a ‘78. She’s a beauty.”
“Oh man, I’ve gotta see it! Maybe this Sunday I can come over with some game snacks and we can watch the game? See if you can get back into it. You can show me your new girl then.”
“Sounds good,” I agreed.
Sports didn’t have a real ring of interest to me, but I hadn’t made much time for Tommy lately, and I missed my friend. If anyone understood the shit I was going through, it was him.
“So, you tried dating yet now that you’re home for good?” Tommy asked next, going right for the jugular.
“Fuck man, at least let me get three beers in before we talk about dating,” I teased, but was kind of honest, too.
“I’m just worried about you in that place all alone with the episodes still happening. Have you seen the counselor that the VA assigned you to?”
“Not yet,” I admitted, frowning.
“You gotta do it. I saw someone after coming home to help me adjust, and it did wonders. Don’t let your pride stand in the way of your future, man. I know you’re a tough son of a bitch, but the PTSD can tear even the hardest men down in no time at all.”
I shrugged.
I knew he was right, but stupid pride and fear of the unknown were debilitating when it came to asking for help. I could go behind enemy lines, take out an extremely dangerous target, then get back for afternoon tea, no problem, but the shit that was burning just behind my eyelids? That shit scared the fuck out of me.
“Plus,” Tommy went on, “Karma changed everything for me. Knowing I had someone waiting for me. Two someone’s, really, made all the difference. It gives a man purpose, you know? I want that for you, Ash. A girl, a kid or three… You gotta date if you want those things for yourself.”
“I’m a fucking mess,” I admitted before taking a long draw on my beer, finishing the glass. “No female on this earth is going to want a disaster like me. Nobody cares if I can kill a man a hundred different ways. I can’t even drive the car around fireworks because it sparks shit.”
Except Freya. She didn’t seem to mind my disaster.
His face immediately shifted to worry.
“Did you have an episode while you were driving?” he demanded, leaning forward over his half-drunk beer.
I nodded, hating to admit it.
“What happened? I mean, you’re obviously ok, physically, anyway…”
“I was with someone, actually. She took over and brought me home, got me a pill, then stayed overnight to make sure I didn’t die.”
Tommy snorted.
