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Taking the phone from my ear, I slammed my thumb down on the end call button.
Tossing the device, it landed on the other side of the couch where it slipped between the cushion and the arm. The screen lit up with a call, but I let it go as I melted down, sobbing into my arms.
I needed more wine to get through this night.
I finally managed to stumble out of the couch, aiming my way back to the kitchen where my half-full glass sat and I guzzled it. There wasn’t enough alcohol on this planet to make me want to finish that phone call after telling the man I loved him again, just for him to reject me with a little flippant dismissal. Obviously I’d read everything wrong all that time. I’d made something out of our night together, when in reality, it’d meant absolutely nothing to him.
God, it hurt…
I dumped the rest of the bottle into my glass and went back to my couch, watching my show drone on, already on the next episode.
I was done. Completely done with that man. Ash the Ass was past tense. Well, he was past tense in my mind. Convincing my heart of that, however, was a whole other thing.
Chapter 25
Ashton
Goddamnit!
What was wrong with me?
Gripping the empty beer bottle in my hand, I smashed it against the wall across from me, but it didn’t help. I wanted to tear off my skin and rip apart my rib cage because it felt so unbearably full with such fucking massive feelings that I couldn’t begin to sort out.
She loves me.
How? How could she love me?
And all I could say was thanks?
It was just one more reason to believe that Yamin was right, and I shouldn’t have talked to her. I should’ve left her to wonder, because now she fucking knew that I was an idiot and an asshole. But God, I wanted her. I wanted her so badly, but I couldn’t have her, right?
Right.
But…
Shit, Tommy was finally talking to me again, and I was just getting my fucking life together. Well, mostly together. I had a job, I had friends, sort of, I had a routine and some control over my PTSD now. There was a future in front of me, but I didn’t fucking want it. I didn’t want it without her.
And now I’d fucked it all up just to save myself from some heartache, because I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. It wasn’t to save her, it was to save me. I knew that I was just a fling, even if she said she loved me. Even if she really did love me, it would only be temporary. I wasn’t the kind of man she needed, despite how I wanted things to be. I couldn’t slit myself open like she had because I was a fucking coward. A total coward.
With that fantastic thought, I gave up trying to call her again after the last two calls went unanswered and just moved to pick up the glass from my beer bottle that I'd shattered against the wall.
Chapter 26
Ashton
“I’d love to see you, Ash,” Tommy said during our regular bi-weekly call.
It’d been more than a month since he’d texted me, but we’d slipped right back into our old relationship with jokes and memories and talks of politics. It felt fucking amazing.
“You want me to come out to Vegas?” I asked, thinking of Freya for the millionth time that day.
“Yeah, man. Karma is wanting to see you, too. She’s been worried about you, as you know. Seeing your ugly mug would make her feel better. Plus, the way we left when I last saw you was…”
I blew out a long breath.
It was the first time he’d brought it up since our first call.
“Uh, well, I probably could, but I’d need to get a hotel. I don’t think my presence there would be welcomed by…”
