AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m not sure what she means by that exactly, but the most probable meaning is for me to try to speak to her normally and not like a priest.
“So tell me,” I urge her.
I nod my head to encourage her to start.
“I need more,” she states simply.
“More?”
Doesn’t everyone want more? This is nothing new.
“Yes, more. I want a better quality of life than what I’m currently leading. I’m in the adult film industry, and I’m just tired,” she whispers.
Suddenly, her brave face from the start of the conversation has disappeared.
“Is that what brings you here?”
“Yes, Father. I’ve never been religious, but I just thought…” Bambi trails off as she figures out how to explain what she’s been thinking about.
“I thought I would try out being a Christian. I mean, why not, right? Nothing else is working—it’s time for a change. Then earlier, when you were talking about how someone could turn their life around, it just hit me,” she finishes.
“It hit you that it’s possible for you to turn your life around,” I say to confirm her truth.
“Exactly. I mean, I don’t even know what religion this is for, but I need a change. My industry isn’t forgiving. A man is always taking my body in some shape or fashion. Whether it’s my movies or because they think they can get sex from me because I want to be in their movie, it doesn’t even fucking matter. It’s always on their terms, never on mine. I want something to be on my terms for once,” she states.
“I understand, Bambi, I really do. A past is not something you can run away from, though; you need to face it head-on,” I reply.
“Father, how do you know my name?”
She’s looking at me with long black eyelashes framing her deep brown eyes knowingly.
“I’ve seen your work,” I answer honestly.
It surprises her that I’ve told the truth.
“I see,” she answers.
Bambi recomposes herself and lets out a comforting sigh.
“Maybe running away from my past isn’t possible, but what do I do? I can’t take a break—another version of me, only freshly eighteen, will be there to make the movies I’d be giving up,” she says.
Bambi continues to share her truth with me.
She needs the money and doesn’t know what else she could do at this point in her life to earn such good money. There are no other options for her to fall back on. With no formal education or family, she can only rely on herself.
Being at the top of her game, she knows it won’t last much longer. Her days are numbered, and she wants to take as much as she can from the industry while it lasts.
And the worst part of her confliction? She likes it and doesn’t know exactly what that means about herself. That’s the problem. Bambi needs and wants what the industry gives her, but she’s conflicted with the lifestyle that comes along with it.
As she spoke her truth, I noticed a key part of it was being hidden from me. It goes past simply wanting to be part of that world. She craves the attention, the praise, the desire from others—even if it is only fleeting.
I can tell this is where her conflict really comes from, so I decide to perform one of my priestly duties.
I explain what confession is and lead her to my confessional booth. When someone needs confession, I always try to be accommodating. We usually only take confessions on Wednesdays to standardize our schedules.
I know firsthand what that desperation to find answers feels like, which is why if someone needs me to listen to their confession, I will do my part.
Bambi goes into the confessional, and I head into my side of the booth.
