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Looking at her, I know that this temptation goes beyond a carnal urge. This is not who I am anymore. If I let this woman suck my cock, I really would be just as irredeemable. I can’t revert back to mindlessly acting on whatever it is I desire with no repercussions.
“Put yourself back together,” I whisper.
Shoving my cock back into my pants, I pull them up and tuck in my shirt before doing my belt buckle.
“What did I do?” she asks while still kneeling before me.
I stroke her cheek gently.
What did she do? It’s what I was about to do. I couldn’t allow it to go any further.
I was about to have this desperate woman answer my demons when what I really needed was someone to answer my prayers instead.
I almost sealed my fate. Making my years in the priesthood worth nothing if I’d acted on my urges with this woman. If I had continued, I would be confirming that I was a terrible person who didn’t deserve a chance at redemption.
I made the right decision. Breaking my commitment to God after everything I had been through would only happen for my truth that I am yet to discover.
“Nothing.”
It’s all I could say before I turned and left the confessional booth with her still on her knees, waiting for me to change my mind.
Chapter 4
More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
Fuck.
What was I thinking, staring at Avery like that? Or I should say, Mrs. Matheson. Mrs.
I’m such a dumb fuck.
Back in my home, I stretch out on my plush bedding, closing my eyes to get my head on straight. A slow pounding is pulsing in it.
I’m slowly coming to terms with what happened in church earlier. The attraction. The spark. The energy that ripped through me. I still can’t make sense of why touching her made my whole body feel like it was on fire.
“Fuck,” I groan.
I run the palms of my hands down my face.
I can’t be attracted to anyone here. That’s precisely why I’m even in Charleston.
My new home isn’t much, but it’s on church grounds and is located in a great spot downtown. I was used to living much larger in my past, but I don’t need that lifestyle anymore.
I had purchased a few upgraded pieces of furniture when I first moved in to help the space be more homey. It does the job. I don’t feel like a peasant here anymore.
Thankfully, I was able to slip away earlier than I expected after Mass to return home. I need to change before heading out to get a drink.
I was only stopped briefly by Greg as we were both wrapping up separate conversations with other parishioners, after my encounter with Mrs. Matheson.
He told me to tread carefully with the Mathesons. They are a powerful family, and it is good they are part of our church community. He’s thankful Mr. Matheson doesn’t hold his wife back from donating to the church, and he himself sometimes donates to specific efforts on top of what they already donate together.
Greg told me that Mr. Matheson likes the praise for being such an upstanding member of the community. Despite this, he is a no-show almost every Sunday. I would probably only meet him at the upcoming gala I’m helping coordinate.
It was known that his wife was expected to attend Mass to represent their family unit. He would most likely be out golfing like the other men of the parish.
Fucking assholes.
