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She deserves better than Kevin. Better than me, if I’m being honest. I know that, yet here I am, pining to be in her presence every chance I get.
“Thank you, Lachlan. You’ve given me more than you know by letting me help,” she whispers.
She’s staring at my mouth as she speaks.
“Fuck,” I breathe out as I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.
She adjusts her body and puts her head on my shoulder.
I can feel her body moving at an even rhythm. She doesn’t want to break contact. I don’t want to either. For her, I will, though. I’ll show strength that even I don’t think I have at this rate. I will not give in.
What Avery needs during this trying time in her life is a friend, not someone chasing her for something more to give. Especially not when that person has nothing to give her in return. But fuck if I don’t want her more than anything.
I want to free Avery from this life she doesn’t belong in.
Just maybe, I can fix myself with Avery by my side.
Chapter 11
By his own iniquities the wicked man will be caught, in the meshes of his own sin he will be held fast; He will die from lack of discipline, through the greatness of his folly he will be lost.
Proverbs 5:22-23
Resting my head on Lachlan’s shoulder just feels right despite the looming tension as we continue to walk this tightrope.
Getting to know Lachlan has felt like a dream.
After the first few times I came by his office to help out with the gala, it became as if I’d always known him. We just clicked.
Yesterday, when he invited me to Jackson’s, I was hesitant but excited he finally broached the topic of us seeing each other outside of the parish office and church.
When we were at Jackson’s, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I was surprised that he answered my questions about who he is outside of being a priest.
Lachlan told me about where he grew up and about his parents. His mom sounds like someone out of an idyllic movie you would watch and wish it were your own life. She baked cookies with him every Sunday after they ate family supper around a candle-lit table.
I couldn’t help but notice he didn’t share much about his relationship with her in recent years. Everything was about the past. He said he funneled all his time into being a priest and prioritized it more than he probably should have in retrospect.
Lachlan told me about his career before becoming a priest and how he loved the challenges he was faced with every day.
I wanted to know why he made such a big switch. I didn’t pry further into asking what the real reason was he became a priest. When I initially asked, he avoided the question, and I got the hint that it was a sensitive topic.
Giving your life over to the church is no easy decision to make.
Behind the broody and intense walls he has built up around his heart is someone funny and generous. Someone I like who I get to have any type of relationship with.
As I rest my head on his shoulder, in the here and now, I know that I want him. Father Lachlan O’Connell is my forbidden fruit, ripe for the taking. I know I shouldn’t, I really know I shouldn’t, but that doesn’t stop me from deciding to make my move.
I’m no longer the awkward Avery Matheson who can’t handle being in his presence. I’m Avery Parker, and I’m taking back my identity starting with claiming the man I want.
I know Lachlan as more than the off-limits, sexy priest, and I like what I’ve learned. At least this way, if I try to go for it and he rejects me, I’ll know that I tried. I can handle the rejection… I think. I hope at the very least.
Lachlan is everything I want in a partner, in a man. If I don’t try, then I’ll never know what could have been.
I don’t care that it looks like I’m jumping from one man to the next. This feeling isn’t something someone walks away from and doesn’t regret they never tried. It’s not just lust—it has the potential to be something bigger, something scarier for my heart if he accepts my offer and we finally face our truth.
In all our time together, we haven’t spoken in detail about my crumbling marriage. The only mention was my confession. I know it’s part of the line he’s drawing in the sand to keep me at arm’s length.
He’s trying to be there for me, as my friend. Lachlan recognizes that I need a true friend. The only problem is, how can two people with this much chemistry ever just be friends?
