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Jeremiah 33:6
I had been sitting on my porch in the dark, getting only the casted glimmer from the sidewalk streetlamps. It was a peaceful and cool night, one of the first since I moved to Charleston.
I’d just taken a sip of my whiskey when I saw my Goldie girl walk past my house. She looked like a beautiful, lost angel. My perfect angel.
After we last spoke, I knew that she had a lot to come to terms with. There’s nothing conventional about either of us or our newly founded relationship.
Kevin spooked her that day. It was clear that’s what happened.
The past several weeks have been a whirlwind of good and bad for Avery. It had been for me as well. There was nothing easy about our time together. We were both two lost souls in desperate need of salvation.
When I saw her dart past me, I knew what I had to do. It was almost a week since I last saw Avery.
It was time. Time for me to start peeling away my layers. Time to start showing Avery who I can be. I can be her savior and reason to sin. We can be that for each other.
She just has to see the truth—our truth.
I quickly followed Avery to find her entering the church.
The perfect place to meet her savior. Meet me for who I am, who I was, and who I will be.
I gave her some time inside by herself. Waiting patiently for my tortured angel in the shadows outside of an entrance. After some time, I approached the doors cautiously so that I didn’t frighten her. I opened them to see she was praying.
Instantly, her body stiffened. She somehow knew it was me after the door slammed closed. My depraved side loved that she could sense it was me. How severely her body reacted to my presence.
While Avery was taking time this week, I was becoming even more steadfast in my resolve that this was my new path.
I knew that becoming a priest was something I never fully fit the mold for. It was a means to an end. One that I don’t regret doing. How could I? It led me to Avery.
After Avery left me that Sunday, I realized that I could give being the man my da always thought I could be a chance. It wouldn’t be easy for me, but I had followed such wildly different paths my entire adult life; why not try this one? Nothing in my life since my da passed away has been easy.
Maybe being with an angel like Avery is my actual chance at redemption that I have been seeking this whole time.
I requested three days off from Greg, telling him I had a family emergency at home.
Family was one area that Greg did respect as a man of God. He granted it and shifted around the mass schedule. I needed to perform Mass on Thursday and most of the services over the weekend that followed.
In order to be with Avery, I needed to speak to the two people in my life who meant the most to me. If I am going to truly leave the church, and all I had worked toward, I wanted their blessing and understanding.
When I landed in Boston, I went to visit my old church for the first time since I left for Charleston.
It was an odd feeling being back inside the place that both built up and ripped down my priestly walls. My armor from my past life of sin.
I had told Patrick I would be visiting and needed his guidance.
I couldn’t explain over the phone because I needed to look him in the eyes to see how he truly felt about it. He’s important to me, and for fucks sake, I still just want him to be proud of me. To make sure he knows I understand what I am giving up, but the reason is for a life I haven’t ever dreamt was possible.
Sitting in the empty church, I breathe it in. My past, my present, my future.
It’s all coming to a head at this moment. I will be telling Patrick that I broke my vow to God, and I am leaving the priesthood.
It’s time to make one of my many confessions.
I knock on Patrick’s door lightly.
“Lachlan, my boy, it’s really you.”
His joyful smile almost breaks my heart. He’s truly happy to see me after all these months.
