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I knock on her front door. It doesn’t feel right to just let myself in after all this time. She isn’t expecting me. I thought to call, but I didn’t know what to say, and I still don’t. I am coming to make amends with her; how do you say that on the phone?
The door opens, and her eyes go wide as she stares at me.
“Hi, Ma.”
She pulls me into a hug and squeezes me tightly.
“Lachlan, is it really you?”
She asks as she lets go of me and puts my face between her hands.
“Ey.”
“Come in, come in.”
The living room still looks the same. Nothing has been updated since I last came home. We both take a seat on the oversized couch, facing each other.
“I’m surprised to see you here. Is everything okay? Tell me everything. It’s been months since we last caught up over the phone. What’s wrong?”
I take a deep breath and release my next confession.
“That’s part of the reason why I’m here, Ma,” I say before pausing to look her in the eyes.
“I’m sorry. Nothing is wrong with me health-wise or anything like that. I’m sorry for abandoning you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry for breaking down after Da’s death. I’m sorry for not coming to see you sooner. I’m sorry for it all.”
My ma’s eyes fill with tears.
“Lachlan, I love you no matter what. Always.”
We embrace again.
We spend the next few hours catching up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives. I tell her about how I moved to Charleston and what my life is like. I decide to leave out the parts about Avery for now.
She takes me back to my da’s woodworking shed, leaving me alone to spend some time in my former happy place. It is more cathartic than I imagined it would be. I haven’t stepped foot in here since he passed away. I just couldn’t.
Looking around, I find some of his favorite pieces that he saved and didn’t sell. One commonality is that they’re all ones we created together and hadn’t given to Ma to put somewhere in the house.
After feeling at peace with being back in my childhood home and reconnecting with my ma, I realize it’s time to tell her the full truth. It’s time for me to tell her about Avery and leaving the priesthood. It’s the last confession she needs to hear from me today.
Becoming a priest was something she never expected, but she still supported me. Whatever I needed to do to survive the terrible tragedies I had been dealt. My ma’s love is one that I will never take for granted again in this lifetime.
Stepping outside of my da’s woodworking shed, I take in the fall scenery. Being back in New England in October is one of the most beautiful times of the year. The leaves are changing color, the temperature is dropping, and there is a peacefulness that swirls in the atmosphere.
My ma has two coffees sitting on the kitchen island when I come back in. She made mine exactly how I like it—black and two sugars. Of course, she remembers.
“Ma, there’s something else I need to share with you.”
She looks up at me with a small smile.
“Yes, dear?”
“I met someone. It’s new, but it's real. Real enough that I’ve decided to leave the priesthood.”
I swallow hard, waiting for her reaction.
“Wow.”
My ma’s eyes widen momentarily before letting understanding wash over her.
