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I can’t deal with them. They are too painful and now he wants me to bare the final fragment of my ruined soul. The truth about my life. The horror of my story and I’m not sure I want to see that soft expression turn to disgust right before my own soulless eyes.
He says softly, “We are waiting for the food to arrive. Now is the perfect time.”
“You think?” I shake my head, the distaste written all over my face.
“Whatever you tell me, I’ve heard worse.” He says almost kindly and reaches across the table and laces my fingers with his as he offers me an encouraging smile. That alone surprises me, because Mikhail isn’t the sort to offer gentle encouragement. I already know that about him and guess he’s the kind of man who prefers to torture it out of his victim instead.
Then again, this could be the moment when the key turns in the lock and guarantees my freedom. He may even be gracious enough to help me escape as far away from here as possible. I wonder what it’s like living in Russia. Too cold probably, but far enough away from my past to forget. “If I tell you, will you let me go?”
My voice shakes, but I stare at him defiantly and his eyes narrow. “No.”
“Then fuck you, Mikhail. I owe you nothing.”
He grips my hand a little tighter and surprises me again by saying softly. “I will let you go when I have finished with you.”
“Arrogant jerk.” I shake my head and attempt to snatch my hand from his grasp, but he is too strong, and his voice holds a warning as he growls, “I don’t keep women, Lilli. I never wanted to, but you intrigue me.”
“Then you should get out more.” I stare out at the dark shadows that hover outside the window and sigh.
“Then I’ll tell you because when you hear my story, you will escort me from the premises personally.”
I blink back the tears and say sadly, “Perhaps you will be kind enough to arrange a ticket to the edge of the world so I can jump off.”
“The world is round, Lilli. You would just be running around in circles. You will never escape your fears.”
“Reggie did.”
He almost crushes my fingers and hisses, “Which is another reason why you’re staying.”
“Why?” I drag my eyes to his with a superhuman effort because they are loaded with tears and his eyes glitter as he says harshly, “Because she never had me in her life. I will not let you fall, Lilli. Whatever you want, you will get and if you want revenge, you are in the right place. Let me help you and then we will discuss your request to leave, but I want something from you in return.”
“What?” I can’t imagine what I can give him, and he sighs and appears almost vulnerable, which is a sight that makes my breath hitch.
“Iris Mahoney is the key to finding my father’s murderer. What’s in that diary may contain her location. I need that diary, Lilli, and you are the only person who can get it for me.”
“You want me to go back there?” Fear rattles my soul, and he caresses my hand and whispers, “You will not go there alone.”
I suppose that is something, but I’m guessing things will change when he learns about my sordid past and so I shrug and turn my face to the window and whisper, “I’ll help you, Mikhail, because I want you to find closure. I realize how important that is, but don’t blame me if you don’t like horror stories.”
“I am a horror story, Lilli flower.” His soft chuckle makes me smile because he’s not wrong there. He is.
He caresses my hand with his thumb and says gently, “I’m listening.”
I nod. “Okay. You asked, but you probably won’t like it.”
I drag in a deep breath and briefly wonder where the fuck the delivery is. That is the only thing that can delay the inevitable and give me a way out of this.
I glance over my shoulder, hoping like hell I see a delivery guy hopping out of the elevator with the contents of the burger joint down the block. As before, the homeless will eat well tonight. That’s something, at least.
Finding nothing there, I resign myself to baring my soul and I can’t even look at him as I whisper.
“We returned from Reggie’s funeral and mom wasted no time in snorting a line of cocaine and passing out on the couch. I was hoping Mickey would do the same, but he followed me to my room.”
I shiver at the memory and sigh. “He was his usual creepy self and told me there was a vacancy in his operation now that Reggie had left.” I hiss, “As if she merely resigned and hadn’t killed herself out of shame.”
My voice shakes as I whisper, “He told me there was a different proposition for me. That things were changing and there was no requirement to leave the house anymore. That he would earn more money out of me online and rather than work a few hours, I could work continuously.”
I am so ashamed but take a deep breath and say in a rush, “He told me I was to play to the camera. I didn’t understand what he meant, but he soon rectified that. I was made to watch recordings of women doing sexual things to themselves in front of the camera, and it made me physically sick. I actually hurled at one point when a woman inserted a gun in her, well, you know, and Mickey was angry and told me to toughen up. This was the best outcome for me and if I didn’t agree, he would put me to work on the streets, just like Reggie.”
