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His obsession.
He wants me for his own purposes, and I still don’t understand why he chose me. He could have anybody he wants and I’m still trying to figure out why that appears to be me.
He pulls away and I say tentatively, “Would you like me to scrub your back?”
“No.” For some reason, he sounds cold, which surprises me. He was so sweet a minute ago, and I wonder what changed.
I watch as he quickly soaps his own body and I say carefully, “Have I done something to anger you?”
He shakes his head. “No. We have a lot to do today, and I’m pissed because I want to spend it in bed with you. I’m trying to preserve my sanity right now, so it’s best if I leave you to shower alone.”
“Okay.”
I try not to let the demons bite and allow self-doubt into my mind. I can’t help feeling I’m not good enough for him, or any man because that’s what Mickey always told me. He used to taunt me when I was performing for the camera by yelling that nobody would be turned on by my show. That it was doubtful anyone would subscribe because I just wasn’t sexy enough. I was a joke, a little girl playing at being a woman and maybe Reggie’s option would be a better way to earn money and may teach me some sexual awareness.
As Mikhail leaves, the cruel jibes continue to haunt me. The way he criticized my body and his cutting remarks that I was fat and unattractive. I tried not to let it affect me, but it has. I am ashamed of my body because of him, and I doubt that will ever change.
With a deep sigh, I finish showering and wrap a bath robe around me before cleaning my teeth.
As I stare at my reflection, I wonder what today will bring. If yesterday is anything to go by, it will bring hell on earth, and I will be standing right in the center of it when it burns.
CHAPTER 29
MIKHAIL
Ihad to get the hell out of there because I need to get my head in the game. As I leave the bathroom, I head to my closet, tapping out a text to Katerina to meet Lilli in my bedroom in ten minutes. I realize Lilli will be pissed at that, but I don’t have time for it. I must meet with Damien, but first I have something more important on my mind.
I dress for business. A gray silk shirt and a black suit. No tie. It’s never a good idea when you’re about to end a man’s life. Not that I can’t handle myself, but I don’t leave anything to chance, and being strangled by my own tie isn’t something I want on my tombstone.
As I spray some aftershave and slip on my belt, I stare at the image in the mirror and set my mood accordingly. Bastard will do. I never dress in anything else and, as I slip on my shoes, I head outside to meet Katerina.
She hands me the file I requested in the text, and I say firmly, “Don’t take her shit. Make sure she’s suitably dressed and waiting in the dining room. Ask Johnson to serve her breakfast if I’m delayed. We have a lot to get through today.”
“Of course.” She replies with no emotion as usual and I say over my shoulder, “Is her closet fully equipped?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Then dress her in a gray suit, matching silk shirt, pantyhose and stilettos. Today is all about business.”
“Yes, sir.”
As I leave, I smile to myself as I picture Lilli’s furious face as Katerina dresses her like a doll. She will hate every second of it, and I don’t rate her chances resisting my fierce personal assistant. I almost wish I could stay and watch the fight because one thing’s for sure Katerina will always win.
She is the best assistant a man could wish for. Aloof, no conversation and carries out her duties to the letter. She is skilled at everything she does, and I accept many people assume I’m fucking her. I’m not. I’ve never wanted to because she is way too cold for my tastes. The fact she prefers women is the icing on the cake because it maintains our professional relationship with no emotion getting in the way.
As I head to my den, I’m anxious to check one detail on Lilli’s file. It kept me up all night, wondering what I’ll do if shit happens.
As I sit in the chair, I open the file and glance down the page that has been typed up in bullet form with the various headings.
Contraception
I’m not sure why my heart aches when I see it’s ticked, and the name of the brand listed beside it. I already know Katerina would have arranged for it to be delivered and it’s probably waiting for Lilli as she dresses.
I should be relieved. I should be ecstatic, but for some reason I’m disappointed. Angry even. Why would a virgin need contraception? I know she wasn’t lying to me. The evidence was smeared all over the sheets and on her thighs.
She’s not pregnant. Why does that feel as if I’ve failed?
Damien knocks on the door, and I bark, “Enter.”
