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“Sure there is,” he said. “There can be.”
“To heal, you have to start believing stupid things,” I said. “Namely, that life isn’t just all pain and disappointment. And I’m too smart to do that.”
His lips parted. But he didn’t say anything, because he didn’t have anything to say to that, and even if he did, even if he tried to argue with me, I’d shut him down. I had my truth. He had his.
He rested his forehead against mine. “Fine,” he said.
“Fine?” I hadn’t been expected that.
“I mean, you’re not wrong about that. Life is disappointment, a lot of the time. But, you and me, let’s just… with each other? Let’s be good to each other. Could you believe that?”
Fuck.
I kissed him.
23
eleri
WHEN I TRIED to ask questions about Rohan or Sinclair, Devlin got gruff and he mostly shut down. I tried to ask about Devlin’s past with Sinclair, but he wouldn’t talk about that either. Maguire and I sometimes watched TV together in the afternoon, sprawled out in his room or mine, and we talked about it, speculating. Maguire said that Devlin said that Sinclair cheated on him, which confirmed what Sinclair had said to me.
Still, it seemed like Devlin’s reaction was too much for that.
Back before I’d been an omega, I might have thought differently, but I knew this world of designations too well, now. It didn’t make sense for Devlin to think that two alphas could be monogamous to each other. It was barely ever done.
On the other hand, Devlin had seemed to think that monogamy on our part might be possible.
Maybe he romanticized monogamy. I got it. Up until recently, I would have thought that a relationship like the one I was in was impossible.
I wanted to have a relationship with all four of the alphas that I was connected to, but currently, it was just me, Devlin, and Maguire. Even still, it wasn’t like any monogamous relationship I’d ever known about.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff, because I didn’t have much else going on. I still accompanied Devlin on a few formal appearances here and there, but I didn’t have much contact with the outside world. I stayed in touch with my parents, of course, but we didn’t talk much about my relationships, because it was too awkward to discuss.
Miriam hadn’t texted me recently, and that was probably good, because I certainly couldn’t tell her about it. She’d go blabbing it all over to everyone.
So, trying to heal the rifts in my pack consumed me, and since I couldn’t get Devlin to give me answers about Rohan or Sinclair, one day, I decided to go talk to them.
It was about a week after the luncheon, and the ball where I’d be made a duchess was about a week and a half away. After that, I could be bitten, and I had a romantic and probably impossible idea that maybe I could get bitten by all of my alphas on the same night, in the same interlude. I wanted us all to have sex together, all four of them with me. The logistics of that were fun to puzzle out, but doable.
What didn’t seem doable was all of them under one roof right now. I wanted them not only to get along but to be willing to have sex together.
Was it even possible?
I had to try.
I went to Sinclair’s place first.
Probably, that was dumb. I knew that Sinclair tended to bring out some of my destructive tendencies, and I wasn’t sure that Sinclair and me alone was a great idea, but I was also sort of low-key jonesing for him. My bruises were healed, and I hadn’t realized until they were gone how nice it was to have them. They made me connected to him, and I wasn’t entirely all right without my connection to Sinclair.
It wasn’t stronger than my connection to the other alphas, but it was different in some way, and I missed him a lot.
Sinclair wasn’t there, though, so I went to Rohan’s place instead.
I was surprised when I scented Sinclair when Rohan opened the door.
“Sinclair’s here?” I said, pushing past Rohan into the apartment.
“Sparrow?” said Sinclair’s voice. He came out of Rohan’s bedroom, wearing only a pair of jeans, which were unbuttoned. His wiry chest was well defined, and I had missed it. I bounded over to him, squealing.
