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“You didn’t rape me,” I said.
He glanced at me. “I scented that it was bad. I scented it, and it turned me the fuck off. I don’t get off on that kind of pain. There’s a difference, you know? It’s about power. There’s a kind of pain in which the person on the bottom is retaining their power, because the person on the top is doing it for them. And there’s a kind of pain where the person on the top takes everything from the person on the bottom. Strips them of their will and their agency and uses them. And that’s… disgusting.” He rolled his cigarette out and put the butt in his pack.
“Agreed,” I said. “I’m all right.”
“You’ve got to be sore.”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “But I mean, overall, I’m all right. I think, overall, I’m better off than you are.”
He laughed softly. “It’s happened a bunch of times.”
“What has? You mean, someone has had sex with you without stretching?”
“I mean, that, too, but being raped.” He rolled his head on his shoulders. “Except, like, I feel as though it has to be at least somewhat my fault, because I keep putting myself in these situations where some part of me knows it’s going to happen. Why would I do that?”
“No, you don’t want it,” I said firmly.
He let out a shaky breath, as if hearing that confirmed had broken something inside him.
“No,” I said. “I think, maybe, you’re just hoping this time, you’ll be with someone who you can trust. You’re hoping this time, you find someone who’ll stop, like you did.”
He nodded.
I reached down and took his hand, interlacing our fingers.
“Except… I do,” he said quietly. “Lots of times, people are respectful and they back off immediately. Lots of times. But when they do, it’s like, suddenly…” He grimaced, pulling his hand out of mine.
“Suddenly what?”
“They bore me,” he muttered. “Like it’s only the danger that turns me on.”
I had no words. Because I understood in a way. Wasn’t it the danger in Sinclair that turned me on? Wasn’t this why I’d come here, hoping for something extreme, hoping for something that pushed me over the edge? I reached over and took his hand again. I wrapped his hand up in both of mine and pulled it to my chest, right between my breasts.
He looked up at me and our eyes met.
As we gazed at each other, a current of understanding passed between us. I got the sensation that we weren’t looking at each other but into each other. A heady feeling coursed through me, a forged connection that bonded me to him in a way that was different from the way I felt about anyone else, any of the other alphas.
“Oh, Sinclair,” I whispered. I had just fallen in love with his man, and I thought that was the worst thing I could do. I loved him, but I didn’t think I trusted him. He was damaged and broken and I didn’t know what to do about that.
The sound of an approaching car roared into the driveway, and we both turned towards the sound of it.
Doors opened and then I scented them, all of them, my alphas.
They tore into the house and all three of them burst out of the patio doors, coming directly for me.
16
sinclair
THEY PRACTICALLY RIPPED her away from me.
Devlin first, gathering her up into his arms, looking her over, hands on her face, turning it this way and that, looking for marks or bruises or some kind of damage. He didn’t even look at me, which was typical for him, but still always hurt, even though I had no right to ask him to want me.
Devlin…
He was the only man that I’d been with who was good to me and who didn’t bore me.
No, he just scared me.
