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Finishing my drink, I decide to linger at the bar a little longer, allowing the temporary escape from the complexities of my reality. The slight buzz brought on by the alcohol offers a reprieve, if only for a short while.
I look around the bar and observe other patrons, letting myself get caught up in their lives. But time after time, I find myself wanting to know what Breanna and Jaxon are up to at home.
I check in on the camera feed a couple of times.
At six on the dot, Breanna tells Jaxon that it’s time to clean up. They’re going to eat dinner. I watch as Jaxon excitedly participates in cleaning up, then runs into the kitchen to have dinner.
I switch camera feeds so I can see them in there.
“Will you have something else?” the cocktail waitress asks, startling me away from my phone.
“Oh, um, sure. One more of the same.” I don’t really want anything else to drink, but I don’t want to have to move. If I allow my thoughts to drift, then I’ll have to face the harsh reality of what has happened today.
I probably shouldn’t have another drink if I’m driving home, but I don’t want to be careful tonight. I want to feel a cushion from the world, and the whisky provides that cushion.
When my next drink arrives, I drain it quickly, focusing on the burn as it makes its way down my throat.
I’ve been through this before. It’s hard, but I can get through it. I just don’t want to make my way through each moment of the surgery, replaying it and trying to think if there was something I did that caused his brain to go into shock.
As the night progresses, I know I'll have to face the realities waiting for me at some point and confront the emotions that linger beneath the surface. Right now, though, I already feel a little better with the liquid courage sloshing around on my empty stomach.
After a while, I decide it’s time to go home. I’m going to go to sleep early and hopefully avoid any real thoughts.
Chapter fifteen
Breanna
Iglance at the clock again. I thought Harrison said he would be back by six for sure. But now, it’s close to seven, and he hasn’t come.
I’ve pulled out my phone several times, considering texting him to see where he is.
But then, I replace it. If he’s dealing with a difficult patient or a tricky case, the last thing he needs is me bugging him. Besides, it’s not like I have anything else to do tonight.
I’ve already cleaned up from a delicious spaghetti and meatballs dinner.
As the minutes continue to pass, and with no sign of Harrison's return, I decide to engage Jaxon in some playtime to keep both of us occupied. He always asks when his dad leaves what time he’ll return, and he’s starting to learn to tell time on the clock.
“Miss Beanna, Daddy’s coming home now, right? ‘Cause I remember it’s six o’clock, and this one has a six, a five, and a three.”
“Yes, your daddy should be home soon. He might be a little busy. Come on. Let’s go play while we wait.”
Jaxon goes to the front door and peers out of the beveled glass window, like he doesn’t trust me. After a moment of not seeing any lights coming up the driveway, Jaxon turns and marches back to me. “Okay, we can play,” he says like I’ve just suggested he do something unpleasant like go to the dentist or something.
The living room is filled with the joyful sounds of Jaxon's laughter a moment later as he gets caught up with a game of building things and knocking them down..
I sit down on the floor, surrounded by a sea of plush animals that have all somehow made their way downstairs from the playroom, building blocks, and miniature cars. Jaxon, his eyes sparkling with excitement, eagerly makes loud car noises.
I watch as he eagerly constructs a tower, then sends a car hurtling at the tower so he can watch it come crashing down.
I start building towers for him to destroy, but I find my thoughts constantly returning to Harrison. What could be taking him so long?
After checking my phone again, I shake my head. If he’s in the middle of a long surgery, it makes sense that he wouldn’t text me and let me know when he’ll be here.
But if he isn’t, then I have no idea what he’s doing.
I immediately remember the moment after my shower last night. The moment is a little fuzzy at the edges, but I distinctly remember him saying he didn’t need me because he could have any woman he wanted.
The idea of him walking through the door at any moment with another woman on his arm makes my stomach seize up and start turning over.
