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I let my mind wander. I haven’t been this adventurous in a long time– it was in high school, actually. Some friends brought me along to break into an old hospital. Leaving the pack, I found my way into the mortuary located in the basement. It was eerie yet hauntingly beautiful. I had pulled out a body locker and laid inside of it. I felt at peace. Calm within all the silence around me. I had fallen asleep until my friends were hollering for me, breaking my serenity.
It’s cooler outside tonight, just like the night in the locker. I swear I saw a body hanging upside down from a tree, but maybe I’m still hallucinating. I’m going to try and find out, though. I’m on my own mission. Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I do belong locked up in here. Who puts themselves in a mortuary cooler and feels peace within it? Who sees a dead body and keeps walking?
Just how sick am I?
Catching myself from falling a few times, I finally reach the door. It’s a dark color, just like what I thought Tyr’s house looked like. Looking around first to make sure no one is watching, I open the creaky door. The items that stare back at me surprise me.
The counter from my dream is actually a pile of soil bags that stand up to my hips. Walking around and finding the ‘bedroom’ is a little harder than I think. In a dark, musty corner is a mattress from a hospital bed. The thing smells of mold, earth, and death. Straps hang from eye bolts, screws into the walls. That's what Tyr– no, Geoffrey– must have used to hold me down and rape me that night. Images and memories come flooding back to me like a storm surge.
Clutching my mouth with one hand and my stomach with the other, I run outside. Kicking the door closed behind me, I lose what little contents I have in my belly to the cold, dark ground.
Walking away, I continue to dry heave slightly, but nothing else will come out. I sink down onto the bench in front of the little pond and start crying. Tears pour from my ashamed face.
I pull the slightly crumpled crane that Alek gave to me from my pocket, toying with it between my fingertips.
Who have I become? What did that monster do to me? What does Alek want from me? Who does he think I am? Who does he want me to become?
All I know is that I will never be the same. I’m almost numb. I can feel the emotions slowly falling away from me, never coming back.
The tears may fall from my cheeks, but on the inside I’m broken.
Let Me In
She invades every single one of my senses. I long to conquer her mind, to turn her every thought about me, for every sense of hers to be overstimulated. I want to be such a constant in her life that if she gets a whiff of cologne walking down the street, she won’t be able to imagine anyone or anything else. I need her delicate fingers to touch every part of my body and her tongue to dance across my skin while she whispers sweet nothings against it. I’m desperate for her to look inside my soul and witness all the inclinations that pull me to her– to hear the way my heart beats in rhythm with her own, as if Vikings are pounding on their shields and preparing to take siege of my heart.
Knowing what Odin has done has become my primary focus. He deserves to suffer for the amount of pain that she’s gone through. I have already come up with several abysmal ways to get rid of Odin forever that not even Lucifer could have conjured up. But one of my Gods, like Loki, could have. And that’s why they named me after him.
I find Nova in the file room, flipping her dainty fingers through a folder with her name on it. Her shoulders have hunched over and caved into themselves, and her brows are furrowed in the utmost concentration. Leaning against the door jam, I study her micromovements, like the way she bites at the skin on her bottom lip, peeling strands off it and chewing on them before spitting them out to the side. The tips of her nails tap the cream-colored folder continuously as her grey eyes scan each page, taking in every miniscule detail and trying to decipher the meanings.
“Nova,” I speak softly, hoping not to disturb her.
But she doesn’t move.
She doesn’t breathe.
She doesn’t give me any evidence that she’s even here with me until a stray tear unleashes itself and falls onto the papers below her.
“I didn't,” she sniffles. “I don’t think I honestly believed you. I needed to see. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know why.”
“Why torture yourself?”
Without answering, she slams the folder closed and stuffs it haphazardly back into the cabinet. She keeps her eyes fixed on the floor as she pushes past me to head down the hall. I turn and follow behind her, curious as to where she’ll end up. She has to know I’m following behind her, but she is either too far out of it, or doesn’t care.
I’m losing my patience too fast– I don’t want her lost within this maze of crazy.
“Nova. Stop,” I command her harshly. She stops in her tracks, panting softly and keeping her gaze straight ahead as if she can continue avoiding my gaze. “Good girl.”
I come up behind her, wrapping my hand around her throat. I can feel the way she swallows beneath my palm, the goosebumps forming on her skin, and the way her breaths slow down. “Good girl, Nova. Calm down. I know what he has been doing. I came to find you and talk to you. Just stop parading yourself around here and follow me. Can you do that?”
Without waiting for a response I let go of her, and take off in the same direction, farther into the halls of Three Norn Hills. I don’t turn to see if she’s behind me, but I can feel her presence, and that’s enough. Recalling that it’s a safe place to talk, I lead her to the old mortuary. I allow her to enter before turning around and locking the only door in or out.
“Sit.” I point to a chair next to a steel workspace. Hopping onto the tabletop, I face her and proceed to tell her everything I know. Without pause and without questions, Nova lets me speak. Her attention alternates between each of my legs as they swing back and forth. I know she’s listening to everything I say and taking her time to process.
I explain, finally, what Odin has been doing to her.
“He was supposed to keep you sedated, completely. You aren’t supposed to be awake, but instead, he has been dosing you with Dimethyltryptamine, also known as D.M.T. It's a very strong psychedelic and can cause hallucinations and memories can become distorted.” I struggle to keep my composure. “You haven’t been Nova in a while, until now.”
“I know. But I am not sure if I am her. I’m not sure if I know how to be her anymore,” she whispers.
