AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I chuckle under my breath as I get to my feet and shove my phone along with Corvin’s note into my pocket. If anyone can understand this newfound sexual desire, it’ll be Atlas. He was solely into women—or, well, more like into no one—until a few months ago.
“Shiloh.” I pause with the door half open and look back at Valco. “You deserve to find some relief. You’ve had a rough couple of years, and you made some shit decisions, but we all do. You want to make it better. Let yourself have what you need.”
My throat closes too tightly for me to reply, so I nod—even though I don’t agree with a word of it—and shut the door behind me.
I don’t want to make myself feel better.
I just want to feel something other than this bottomless pit of disappointment.
It’s raining by the time I jog over to The Creamery. My hood is pulled up protecting my hair from going all out frizz, and while it’s not a downpour, there’s still a feeling of relief when I step under the awning in front of the store.
A quick glance through the window shows no signs of Atty, and it brings a bittersweet smile to my lips to think I beat him here because he likely got side-tracked with one of his boyfriends. Or boyfriend and cuddle-buddy, but it’s easier to think of them as one unit.
So, I go in, pick a spot on the ugly orange sofa off in the corner with a mug of hot chocolate, and wait.
Ten minutes.
Twenty.
The little spark of happiness in my chest flickers.
It’s not like I have anything better to do today, and it’ll be worth it to see my best friend’s bright, apologetic smile.
I’m not sure what I’m expecting out of this. For Atty to laugh and call me out of my mind for hooking up with Corvin? For him to show a smidge of jealousy—give me any reason to turn this arrangement down?
Or maybe to see him and remind myself that being in love with him is one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced.
Only second to being raped.
But I’m not going there today. I’ve had enough flashbacks and nightmares to give me a chronic case of insomnia, and I’m not fucking this up with a panic that turns me into a raging asshole.
Shove it down.
Drown it out.
I reach for my bag and belatedly remember my mini bottles of alcohol are long gone. No spiked hot chocolate today.
That’s fine. I’ve been sober for months and dealing with it on my own.
Some cold water might wake up the bits of me trying to sink along with the repressed thoughts.
As soon as I stand, I catch movement outside the big window and freeze with half a breath in my chest.
Atty stands there in a sweater that looks an awful lot like Blair’s, hands in his jean pockets with a smile that makes the ache in my chest expand to my ribcage. Blair is beside him laughing at something he said, and when Atty reaches out to touch his face, I know I should look away.
But it’s like watching a car accident. Something inside me is cracking and churning, tugging at frayed heartstrings and gripping my lungs in a vice.
I’ve never seen Atty more at peace than when he kisses my brother. When he rubs their noses together like they’re on an end scene of some Hallmark holiday special.
Lying in Atlas’ bed with his arms around me used to be my favorite way to end the night. Whether it was because the kids at school were assholes or Dad was being his usual drunk self.
Atty has always been my escape.
My safe place when the world was going to shit.
But he can’t save me from this.
He hasn’t noticed me yet. Hasn’t diverted his attention from my brother long enough to. So, I set my mug on the table, hook the strap of my bag over my shoulder, and duck around the employee counter to leave out the back.
