AllFreeNovel
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As much as I hate the position he’s put me in, I know I’ve put him in worse.
“It’s just one semester?”
Blair bites down on his lip and nods. “If all goes well, they’ll take you off probation after the holidays. Corvin says there will be a spare room for you to move into in January.”
It’s not ideal, and my insides still feel like my guts and heart are playing a fucked up game of pinball with the rest of my organs, but I’ve survived a shit ton of hardship in my life.
Surely I can survive a few months with Corvin Morales.
Noah’s head is in my lap, nose pressed into my stomach as he purrs like a kitten while I scrub my fingers through his messy, honey-blond hair. His legs are draped across Atlas’ lap, being kneaded and massaged by thick, experienced fingers.
Noah is Blair’s actual roommate, and from what I hear has a very kissy and cuddly relationship with him. Both Atlas and Blair claim it’s platonic—and I can tell he’s insanely affectionate—but I can’t say I fully understand.
“So,” I say, glancing over at Atlas, “are you and Noah, like… in a relationship too?”
Atlas tilts his head to the side. “Of sorts, I guess? Blair and I are exclusively romantic, but his relationship with Noah is deeper than that. They get something from each other that I can’t give to either of them. And that’s okay. As long as they’re happy with our arrangement, then I’m happy.”
“I don’t get it.”
Atlas shrugs, trailing his fingers down the arch of Noah’s foot and making the smaller man giggle. “You don’t have to. This is our relationship. Not yours.”
I swallow down the hurt that manifests as bile in my throat. He’s right. His relationships are none of my business. He’s made it abundantly clear over the last few months that it’s a part of his life I’m not welcome in.
“Loh.” Atlas places his hand on top of mine and squeezes, but when I flip my hand to twine our fingers together and accept the offered comfort, he hesitates and pulls away.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself,” I say, pressing my palms into my eyes and throwing my head back. “Our relationship is fucked, Atty. I want us to be normal but you can’t even fucking touch me anymore!”
After the initial hug and soft touches, he’s been more hesitant with me. Freely giving affection to Blair and Noah, but being cautious with what he gives to me.
I guess one day of normal before I’m dunked into the next few months of icy hell is too much to ask for.
“I’m trying to give you space.” Atty frowns. “I don’t want you confusing casual affection for something it isn’t.”
I drag my hands through my hair and groan. “I’m not a fucking idiot. You’re in love with my brother. You fuck my brother, or the other way around, or what the hell ever. You two share a cuddle-hog, kissing buddy. There’s no room for me in that equation. I fucking get it.”
Noah’s arms wrap around my waist as he buries his nose in my stomach. There’s a tremble in his shoulders, and my hands naturally fall to soothe them.
“Do you…” Atlas’ frown deepens, brows knitting together as he bites his lip. “Do you want there to be?”
My face feels like it turns ten shades of pink at the implication. “I meant our friendship, Atty! You have all your romantic, sexual, and platonic needs met right here. You don’t need me anymore.”
“Loh, it isn’t like that.”
“Oh, fuck you straight to hell, Atlas Huxley.”
Something slams against the kitchen counter, causing all three of us to jump. “That is enough,” Blair’s voice booms as he steps around the island. He’s got his hair pulled back in an elastic, and the front of his shirt is soaked in suds. “Is that how you talk to your best friend?”
I must squeeze Noah’s shoulders a little too tight because he whimpers, and I pull my hands away to cross my arms over my chest. “It doesn’t sound like he wants to be anymore.”
Blair rolls his eyes and rubs a hand over his face. “Grow up, Shiloh. Stop begging for attention.”
“She just wants your attention, Blair. And she’s getting it.” Dad’s words blaze in my head like an image burned on a screen. Over and over. Repeating the same way I heard them through the door when I was thirteen.
I don’t want attention; I just want my best friend.
“Fuck all of you.” I slide out from under Noah and yank my bag off the floor. “Neither of you asked for my opinion on anything. Rooming me with Corvin. Shacking up together. You both make all these decisions, changing things, like you have the right to flip my life upside down on a whim.”
“It wasn’t a whim. You needed help,” Blair says, grabbing my elbow as I move to push past him. “And I’m not sorry for loving Atlas.”
