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He nods and finally pulls away from my hold.
“And you’ll sit through whatever aftercare I deem fit.”
Now he rolls his eyes, and I know the moment of vulnerability has passed.
He’s much more relaxed as we make our way into the apartment building, even if the constant clench and unclench of his fists signal his anxiety. A firm hand on his back that he’d normally shrug away but this time leans into spreads tingles up my arm.
It only lasts for a couple of seconds, because as soon as the door swings open, he shies away from the touch and puts on the tough, nonchalant mask I’ve learned to read for the cover it is.
“Loh.” The air rushes out of Atlas’ chest the moment he lays eyes on Shiloh.
It’s a miniscule reaction the way his whole body goes taut when Atlas engulfs him in a tight embrace. One that drops as the familiarity of the man in front of him sets in. He folds into Atlas like pieces of a paper crane, and for a moment I see what everyone else has.
That Atlas and Shiloh are two halves of the same whole. That there is nothing more natural than the two of them together.
Platonic soulmates.
If only Shiloh’s heart didn’t have to break to keep that true.
There’s something in Shiloh that comes alive in Atlas’ presence, and if we were dating it might make me a tad insecure, but as it sits I can only be grateful he has that connection.
He’s going to need it.
“Thank you for getting him over here,” Blair says as I help him dish out the Korean takeout we ran out to grab for everyone.
Part of it was to give Shiloh and Atlas their privacy while they patched up the pieces of their friendship that have gone wayward over the course of the semester. Part of it was Blair needing to vent about his apprenticeship some more without the constant pep talks he gets from his boyfriend.
“They needed a playdate. You’ve basically got an oversized labrador, and I’ve got a feral kitten. They shouldn’t work, but somehow…”
Blair cracks a smile and folds back a chunk of long, black hair. “There’s a delicate balance to strike. Their friendship. Our relationship. It’s been hard, and I think… I think I pushed Shiloh away. We wanted space, not for him to feel like we didn’t want him at all.”
The two of them are sitting on the couch, Shiloh animatedly telling a story with Atlas’ arm around his shoulder.
Butterflies stir in my chest at the sheer happiness that I’ve only ever witnessed in passing. What I wouldn’t do to bring out that brightness in him.
It’s only for a brief moment, but amidst his excitement, his eyes flick over to meet mine, and there’s pure, unbridled gratitude expressed in them. In a flash, they’re gone, but it’s enough to ease the burden of guilt that’s been living on my shoulders.
Guilt for not knowing how to heal without breaking the skin first.
Atlas and Shiloh stay settled on the couch when we bring out the food. Blair takes a recliner next to them, and I sit opposite on the floor. It earns me a confused stare from Shiloh.
“There’s room up here.” Shiloh jerks his thumb to the spot beside him, but I shake my head.
“I’m good here, sweetheart.”
His eyes widen and his cheeks darken. Blair can’t suppress his smile as I sport my own, and Atlas cackles as he pulls Shiloh into a one-armed hug.
“Glad to see you’ve evolved to ‘bugging the shit out of each other’. It’s a step up from ‘silently glare and dream up murder plots’.”
Shiloh grumbles something and shoves out of his arms, but he’s smiling as well.
“Fuck you. I’m eating, and we’re never speaking of this ‘sweetheart’ business again.” But the look he gives me when the others aren’t watching is anything but ‘never speaking of this again’. No. It’s a piece of the promise he’s going to make sure I keep.
Give him what he needs.
What he needs today turns out to be the infamous game of Truth or Dare I’ve heard so much about.
“C’mon, Atty. Truth or dare?”
