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But I wouldn’t let him settle for me. I fucking couldn’t. I could never be that selfish with him.
“Why?” he croaked, opening his eyes and looking at me again as tears ran down his cheeks. Every bit of my soul fucking shattered. “Why can’t we happen?”
I curled my hands into my fists to keep from reaching for him. They trembled at my sides, even after I dug my nails into my palms. I ached to just hold him and take all of this shit back. But I couldn’t be that selfish. Not with him. Never with him.
“I’m too old for you, Gabriel. And I’m just fucking broken pieces of a man. All I can offer you is protection and to take care of you. My kind of love…” I shook my head and sighed. “You don’t want it.”
He stepped back from me, his chest heaving. I reached for him then, unable to stop myself any longer, but he stepped back even further, out of my range so I couldn’t grab him. I clenched my jaw and dropped my hands back to my sides, fucking hating this. My muscles burned with the ache to make all this go away.
“Don’t tell me what I don’t want,” he cried, his face red, his eyes already bloodshot. “Because if there’s one thing I’m sure of in this world, it’s that I want you.” He took another step back, ripping me to pieces. I fucking deserved it. “You’re just being a fucking dick.”
With that, he spun on his heel and took off for our room. “Gabriel!” I shouted, but the only answer I got was the slamming of our bedroom door.
And the sound made me flinch.
15
Tango
“Fuck!” I shouted, running my hands over my face. I quickly turned off the stove and the oven before following after him, my gut twisting and churning. If there was one thing I hated in this world, it was seeing Gabriel upset. And knowing that he’d been upset enough to call me a dick had my heart wrenching in my chest.
It was fucking agonizing. If I was hurting this much having to deny him, I knew he was hurting ten times worse. And that just made the pain even harder to bear.
I quickly made my way to our room and twisted the handle, only to find it locked. I growled and leaned my forehead against the door, tightening my hold on the metal doorknob beneath my palm. I hated locked doors between us. They made me feel like I was crawling out of my fucking skin. I had to be able to get to him. Had to.
“Baby, open the door,” I called, my voice sounding strangled to my own ears.
“No,” he croaked, his voice thick with tears. My heart squeezed so painfully, it took my breath away. I’d fucking made him cry. He was crying. Because of me. “I want you to go away.”
I clenched my jaw. “Not happening, boy. Open the fucking door, or I’ll break it in. You promised me, remember?” I wasn’t above holding that promise over his head. Not when he needed me but wouldn’t let me close.
I had to fix this. There had to be a way to somehow undo all this damage I’d just done.
I didn’t like being apart from him. Didn’t like not being able to reach him. Especially when I knew he was crying and needed me, even if he didn’t think so. And fuck, if me turning him down because I was trying to save his goddamn soul brought this on, then I wouldn’t fight it. I couldn’t. Not when it was hurting him so much.
I never wanted to be put on the endless list of people who hurt my sweet boy. But now I was.
I would do anything to resurrect that.
The lock clicked, and when I swung it open, Gabriel stumbled back. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, his nose red. He was a fucking mess.
Yet he still managed to be the most beautiful man I’d ever laid my fucking eyes on.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I rasped, wishing I could take back the last five minutes and we could start this all over—take it in a different direction. In a direction that wouldn’t leave him hurting inside. Wouldn’t leave my soul writhing in agony. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I hate you,” he cried. He stepped forward, a tear running down his cheek, and jabbed his finger against my chest. “I fucking hate?—”
I wrapped my hand around his finger and yanked him to me. He crashed against my chest with a squeak. My arm banded around his waist, securing him to me, and when he opened his mouth to speak, I kissed him.
I kissed him like it was our last day on Earth.
I kissed him like he was the only thing that could make me stop hurting.
I kissed him like I was trying to mold our souls together.
Gabriel immediately went soft in my arms, his hands gripping my shirt tightly in his fists, his mouth warm and pliant beneath mine. He submitted to me so fucking easily—like it was second nature for him to follow my lead and give me every piece of him he could.
Did he have any idea how fucking perfect he was?
