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After stripping out of my suit, I put on my pajama bottoms, poured myself a drink, and climbed into bed. Now what? I thought to myself. Seeing her in that long strapless plum-colored dress with her hair pinned up in curls really did me in. The minute she walked down that aisle, I was even more captivated than the first time I had ever laid eyes on her. I never knew that I needed stability. I mean, I did have some stability in my life with my company, but I needed more in my life. A woman who would stand by my side that I could hold and take care of. That was what I never realized I needed until I met Jillian. She was all the stability I needed.
* * *
Jillian
My aching fucking head. Shit. I drank way too much last night. The struggle was real trying to get out of bed. When I finally managed, I stumbled into the kitchen, where Kellan was leaning over the counter, drinking his coffee.
“Morning, Miss Hangover.” He smiled.
“Shut up,” I growled.
“Be nice, or you won’t get any coffee.” He poured some into a cup and handed it to me.
“Ugh. Why did you let me drink so much?” I laid my head down on the counter.
“If you recall, I tried to stop you, but you weren’t hearing it.”
“What time does your flight leave?”
“In about four hours, so sober up.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” I pouted as I looked up at him.
“I don’t want to go either. I miss you, Bean. Maybe I’ll move here. I can get a job anywhere.”
“Don’t toy with me, Kel.”
“Seriously, Jill. I’m being serious. I’m over Seattle.”
“What about your parents?”
He smiled. “What about yours?”
“Good point.”
“I’m sure there’s a company on Wall Street that would hire me with my financial background. I’m going to start looking as soon as I get back to Seattle.”
“I would love for you to move here.” I wrapped my arms around him.
“You stink like alcohol. Go take a shower.” He kissed the top of my head.
As the hot water streamed down me, the first thing that came to my mind was Drew. I vaguely remembered having a dream about him last night. We were in Hawaii on the beach and the sun had just set. I sank down on the shower floor and brought my knees up, hugging them tight as the water beat down on me. I was fighting with myself. Fighting to detach myself from the man I was in love with. But the fight in me was quickly leaving, and the strength I thought I had, wasn’t there anymore. All I kept picturing in my head was him and Lia and wondering if they had sex after she put her kids to bed. The thought of him with another woman made me sick. I blew it. He’d moved on because I was too selfish and only thought of myself. He’d given up on me. Just like I had given up on myself all those years ago.
After managing to finish my shower, I got dressed, and Kellan and I headed to the airport.
“Call me as soon as you land.” I hugged him goodbye.
“I will, Bean. Do me a favor.”
“What?”
“Hurry up and find yourself so you can be happy. I hate to say this because you know how much I love you, but I think this whole self-journey thing is destroying you. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, and independent woman, and it’s okay to fall in love with someone. When we’d talk while Drew was around, you were the happiest I’d ever seen you. I don’t want to sit back and watch you walk on the path of destruction again. Been there, done that, and I won’t let you do it again. You can find out who you are and loving someone isn’t going to change that.”
“Don’t you have a plane to catch?” I wiped the tear that formed in my eye.
He kissed my forehead. “I love you. Make some good decisions.” He winked.
“I love you too. Don’t forget to call me.”
