Page 118 of Finding My Name


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Just like that, the fleeting hope shatters, and my knees feel weak from the shards cutting up everything around me.

“I can’t forget about you,” I say through my teeth. “You think I could forget about you when I have been inside of you?”

She visually shudders.

“I know you still lo—like me.” I shake the thought because I was really about to say love. I don’t know if she loves me like I love her.“Please don’t ruin what we have.”

“We have nothing, Oliver.”

I take another step forward, and she pushes herself further into the wall. “I told you everything would change.”

In only a couple of strides, I stand right in front of her. She’s still holding herself, not looking me in the eye. “Nothing has changed. You’re both the same person.”

I won’t let this change.

She rocks her head. “No, we aren’t. I’m not him!”

“Sally—”

“You promised me that this would be over when I wanted it to be over.”

My nostrils flare. “I don’t believe you.”

“Ollie.”

“If you really want this to be over, look me in the eye.” Please don’t do it.

She stills for a second before lifting her reddened eyes. “I want this to be over.”

I let out a silent sob before turning around and leaving the house. I fight every urge to stay longer and push harder, but she’s always building her walls, and I don’t have the tools to bring them down.

Even with the warm summer sun still being out, I feel nothing but a cold chill.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Sally

Wanting to be away from my birth home in any way, I find myself back in the only other place I’ve found comfort.

Adrien offered a sad smile when I walked into his flower shop. I didn’t even need to ask if word about my identity had spread throughout the town.

Small towns talk, after all. One step onto Alliance’s streets, and I was met with stares. Before, I was the center of attention for being the new girl on Oliver’s arm, and now, I’m the trans girl that invaded their home.

“How have you been, sweetheart?” Adrien asks.

“Could be better,” I grumble, taking my spot on his front counter.

Adrien gives me a sad look before walking to the right side of the store. Once he’s back, a small bouquet of sweet peas is placed in my lap. I look at him, and there’s something in his smile that breaks me down.

“Why am I still so afraid of people knowing I’m trans? I’ve spent the last six years dealing with this shit, yet here I am, hiding from people.”

Adrien taps the counter next to me, and his forehead wrinkles like he’s thinking of something.

“I’ve found that a lot of trans people want to pass. The concept of passing might have its roots in a toxic mindset, but many of us just want to live life without our gender being questioned. You spent all of your transition with people knowing you’re trans, right?”

I nod.

“Then you come here, and suddenly, people aren’t questioning you. It makes sense to not want to lose that, but you did, and it wasn’t your choice. I don’t think you’re afraid of being trans. I think you want the power to decide who knows.”

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