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“That’s awful. I’m sorry.” She studied him, and he knew he had to share all.
“I was the one who found my mom.”
“No.” She put a hand to her mouth.
“My mom’s family had insane wealth. Our neighborhood had security, but the guy got around them and broke into our house in the middle of the night. Mom gave him all the cash, jewelry, credit cards, and computers, but he still shot her. I heard the shot and ran for her. She was already gone.” He tried very hard to block that mental image. He’d only been seven, but he’d never forgotten. Luckily, he’d been able to bar Aiden from getting into the room.
“Oh, Ike.” Myra wrapped her arms tightly around him and held him.
He appreciated the sympathy and the connection. She wasn’t some profuse girl who would say a bunch of platitudes or try to get him to share his emotions about everything.
When enough time had passed that he felt he needed to get the rest of his past out, he said, “When my dad came home and started training us, I believed in him and our path. I wanted to be the best warrior on earth and I also wanted to find my mom’s murderer and take my time killing him.”
Instead of cringing as most ladies probably would, Myra nodded. “I can understand that. Was he ever found, prosecuted?”
“They think he was killed three years later. He did similar jobs in multiple cities throughout the U.S. Ultra-wealthy home; made certain the husband wasn’t home. He bypassed security, took out the cameras, and wore gloves. No prints, DNA, or any other kind of evidence was found. No witnesses.” He paused and blew out a breath. “With my mom, they traced the bullet to a gun that had been bought under a dead person’s identification at a pawn shop. Even my dad couldn’t find him. He tracked pawn shops and the places the credit cards were run. Nothing.”
“But then somebody killed him?”
“The police were ninety percent certain it was the same guy. Same M.O., and the lady he robbed had a pistol in her nightstand. She shot him point blank in the chest.”
“Did you get closure? Not knowing if it was the right guy?”
“I’ve moved past it.” He met her gaze, and she finally nodded that she believed him. “By the time I was twelve, I recognized that my revenge quest was poison and a waste of time if the guy was already dead. I also realized my dad’s vision for us wasn’t realistic. Losing his wife like that, I know it messed up his reality. I can see now he was incredible as a dad and leader and teacher, but unstable emotionally regarding love and relationships.”
Myra nodded that she understood. “My mom’s death changed my dad, all of us really, and it was a car accident, not a violent unsolved murder.”
Ike hated that Myra had lost her mom too but was grateful that she could understand what it was like to lose someone so close and to be raised without the nurturing influence of a mother.
“Did you fight against your dad’s training or plans?” she asked.
“No. I never fought him, but I stopped internalizing his agenda for us. I worked as hard as my body could work, gave him my all every day, obeyed and learned and improved. I tried to quietly help Aiden see things differently, but he was set in his path. I remembered my mom teaching me about Jesus, praying with me, singing Jesus songs. I found her Bible packed up with her things in the attic. I read it in the bathroom every night. That’s what I clung to.”
“I’m glad you had your faith and remembered your mom’s teachings.”
Ike studied her. He’d thought he was glad, until Sadie had been killed and then his dad had died. He’d become the machine his dad had trained him to be and shut himself away from relationships. Except for Aiden. He and his brother didn’t see eye to eye, but they loved each other and were fiercely loyal. Sadly, he suspected he was the only person Aiden fully trusted just like Aiden was the only one he’d had in his heart … until now.
Even at this moment, with Myra in his arms, it terrified him to be giving his heart away. All the old worries surfaced. What if something happened to her? Could he really let down all his emotional barriers? Myra could help him knock them down.
She wanted him to trust her to fight side by side. He doubted he could do that. Even with his Ranger unit, it had taken years for him to trust them and not try to win every battle alone.
He knew how instinctive it was for him to protect, but especially her. He’d failed his mom and Sadie. He couldn’t fail her, or he’d retreat into a worse shell than he’d been this past two years.
“And then your fiancée?” Myra asked.
He appreciated the redirection. “I met Sadie, and she reminded me so much of my mom—patient, loving, sweet, filled with God’s light.”
Myra didn’t say anything, so he continued, “Our love was comfortable, nurturing. My dad believed I was trying to replace my mom.”
Her eyes widened.
He shrugged. “Maybe I was, but I rationalized that it wasn’t wrong to have peace and somebody I trusted and loved, someone who loved me and would always be there when I got home from a mission. I proposed, and I thought I could have it all—my career as an Army Ranger, marriage, a family, my faith … Then Sadie was murdered.” Maybe he shouldn’t admit how quickly his feelings had morphed. “And I realized my dad had been more right than I could’ve imagined. I’d failed Sadie, hadn’t been there to protect her just like my dad wasn’t there to protect my mom. A relationship for someone like us is doomed to fail. I never got the chance to tell him that. He died a couple weeks later. Lung cancer. For all his strict discipline, he never could quit smoking. Aiden was there when he died. I wasn’t.”
He swallowed and looked away.
Myra blinked up at him. He’d spilled out his sob story and he’d appreciated her quietly listening, but now he wanted her to say something.
“You almost sound like you believe your dad’s theories about not having relationships.”
