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A mistake?
He made a mistake.
My mind raced to the darkest corners, to possibilities I refused to entertain. I quickly pushed those thoughts aside. Gray wouldn’t have invested months breaking down my walls and showing me his love just to throw it all away with someone else, or by doing any other unspeakable act.
He wouldn’t.
Right?
Guilt washed over me. Gray sounded distraught, and he needed my support, not my accusations. “Gray, baby, you’re really scaring me now. Please, tell me what’s really going on. Are you okay?”
A muffled sniffle, faint yet unmistakable pierced the air and my heart right along with it. It was followed by a hardened resolve in Gray’s tone, one I had never heard before. “Colt, I’m really fucking sorry. But I can’t do this. I’ve spent days thinking about what I want, and I’ve come to realize that marrying you was a mistake.”
His words hit me like a freight train, but I struggled to comprehend their meaning.
I made a mistake.
Marrying you was a mistake.
“W-What do you mean?” I managed to choke out, my eyes unseeing from the tears pooling in them.
“Colt, I’m not coming to LA. I love you, but we’ve barely begun our lives. I don’t want to sacrifice everything here to follow you around and miss out on all the things guys our age should be doing. We weren’t thinking clearly. But it’s never going to work. You can already feel that it isn’t working, right? So I think it’s best if we cut our losses now and move on.”
“No, no, no, no! This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening!” I cried out in disbelief.
He promised me.
He fucking promised me.
I made a mistake…
“Okay, I’ll come back home. I’ll move back home if that’s what you want. I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll let you experience whatever you want. Just please don’t leave me,” I pleaded, my voice cracking with desperation. I never thought I’d stoop to begging. But here I was, begging.
“Colt, I-I don’t want you to come back here. I-I’ve been happier since you moved away. I think we need a clean break, so I’ll have your…”
I think he was still talking, but the roaring in my ears drowned out his words. All I could hear was the thunderous pounding of my heart in my throat. I was trembling uncontrollably. I dropped my phone, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
Marrying you was a mistake.
Tears streamed down my face, and sobs wracked my chest, making it impossible to breathe. For a moment, I wondered if this was what a heart attack felt like. I didn’t care. Actually, that wasn’t true. I wished it were a heart attack, because at least then I’d lose consciousness eventually. But no. Instead, my body was consumed by a strange blend of excruciating pain and icy numbness. My limbs felt devoid of sensation. Too bad that numbness hadn’t spread to my brain.
Instead, memories assaulted me, mocking me. Reminding me of what a fucking idiot I’d been. Years of being cast aside. My junkie mother didn’t want me. Foster parent after foster parent found reasons to send me away. Until I learned to build walls around my heart. Anyone who tried to get close—teachers, classmates, kind strangers—I pushed them all away with a scowl and a sharp tongue. It was the only way to avoid getting hurt. To never care about anyone in the first place. And then he came along.
I had tried to resist. The boy with the gentle smile and the caring heart, like an eager puppy overflowing with warmth. He became my anchor, pulling me from the depths of my despair and showing me that I was worthy of love. In no time at all, I gave him my trust in exchange for his promise to safeguard it. I gave him my heart, in exchange for his vow to handle it with care.
I made a mistake.
And now he had shattered it into a million irreparable pieces. He was worse than all the others who had hurt me before. They had at least been transparent in their indifference, whereas he had woven a tapestry of deceit with his sweet words and tender gestures. He had made love to me, held me during my darkest moments, only to dismiss it and tell me it meant nothing to him. He had pledged to stand by my side, for better or worse, only to decide a cliched college experience meant more than our relationship.
No, there had to be another explanation for his sudden abandonment. Clutching my phone with trembling fingers, I scrolled through my contacts until I found Remy’s number. If anyone could shed light on Gray’s unhinged behavior, it would be him. But after a single ring, the call went straight to voicemail. The same happened when I tried a second time, and then a third. And again, and again, and again with the rest of the guys—Kingston, Jason, Tarek, Sean. Each attempt ended in silence or the automated voice telling me the call couldn’t be connected. They were either screening my calls or had already blocked my number.
The fact that he’d taken the time to inform them he was breaking up with me before even telling me was truly the final blow I’d never recover from.
It really hit me then—I was completely and utterly fucking alone in this world.
I was such a fucking idiot to have believed in him. To have dared to hope that I was deserving of love. I wasn’t. I was only worthy of lies and empty promises.
Well fuck him!
